You're so vain...

you probably think this blog post is about you.

And the irony is that it is....and a few others as well.

My view: Breast Implants are a crime against nature and femininty.

(The only exception: If a woman had a masectomy, it would be acceptable to return to your natural size.)

But let's face it, are these the majority of cases? Not even close.

And don't think you're fooling anyone with making them look "natural." People have tried and tried to mimic Mother Nature in a lot of ways, and they still can't do it perfectly. You're breasts look cheap and tacky--no matter how much you spent on them.

Breasts implants are atrocious for numerous reasons. You are slitting your skin open and inserting saline or silicon bags--whatever they use these days--under your once proportional breasts. Does this strike anyone as odd or unkosher? I feel like I'm pedaling a cliche, but nature does not deal in absolutes or "one size fits all"-'s. There is beauty in the details, the imperfections, the blemishes, the subtle variety, the obvious variety, and even the similarities. It's a game of chance, but everyone comes out a winner. Yes, sometimes it feels like we got the shallow end of the gene pool, but that is only because we our slaves to our society's standards. Jeffrey R. Holland said, "there is optimum health, but no optimum size." Amen. Yes, I stress health; I stress taking care of your body; I stress loving your body at any size; I stress confidence. Some women have long legs, short legs, wide hips, slender frames, small breasts, large breasts, "big bones," pear-shapes, heart-shapes, hour-glass shapes... The combinations are endless, and you know what? They are all okay! That's what nature dealt you. You have a certain aspect of control with diet and exercise, but in the end you can't change your natural curves.

Back to breast implants. Succumbing to them only proves two things: 1.)You are insecure and 2.)you've been duped by society.

Sorry. Actually I'm not sorry.

Don't let the Man control what you do. I once watched a show where a teenager was getting impants because she felt uncomfortable being such a small A-cup all her life (pobrecita). The doctor explained that this procedure would bump her up to "just a natural C-cup to feel more feminine...yadda yadda yadda." Since when was an A-cup not natural or feminine? Having breasts alone is a sign of femininity. Femininity is an inner power and confidence. I'm not really sure how it comes, but something inside you says and accepts, "I'm a woman." Femininity is biological because we have the necessary machinery to carry and give birth to offspring, emotional because we experience a flood of emotions in a completely different way than men, neurological because hormones affect our brain chemistry which changes significantly how we are "wired", social because certain female behaviors have been learned from our societies and social groups(for better and for worse), and religious perhaps because our view on the nature of God affects how we view the nature of ourselves and our gender. Femininity is not, however, material. You cannot buy things to make you feel more feminine. And yes, implants are things. A cheap plastic bag filled with a solution. That's it.

The fact that you are female comes from the fact that you have two X chromosomes. The fact that you are feminine comes from...well a lot of things that go beyond the mere phenotypes that come from these chromosomes. Femininity is a synergy of all these attributes. It combines individual personality differences with their biological capabilities. It is a confidence of being equal amongst many differences.

Is it really worth a couple thousand dollars to "make your shirts fit better?" That's probably the lamest excuse of the bunch.

Grow some ovaries. Be a woman. Be sexy/confident/cool. Love your body. Take care of it. Say no to the male-influenced prototype because it's a fallacy.