Dancesport

It's exhilarating and depressing at the same time.

It's depressing because I get so jealous of these kids who have these programs when they are five years-old and they have the potential to be the best dancers they can be. I didn't start dancing until I was 15, and even then, it was mostly social dancing and not very technique driven. I loved my years on Pacific, but I wish I was ten years younger and could start in their program the way it is now, which is intense, and I love that. I get depressed that dance has faded out in my life. I just didn't have the in like a lot of people did. I didn't have background dance experience to master balance and grace. I didn't have the competitive drive that Utah kids were so accostumed to. I didn't know about the politics of everything until a little too late. I got older; I need to graduate; I have other commitments... I just can't give everything to dance anymore, and I guess I never could have. I'm not competing this year in dancesport, and it kills me. I just wish I could find a partner that I was in sync with that I could just go out there and have fun with. That's all.

Nevertheless, Dancesport is still exhilarating. I've realized this one thing: I don't have to be amazing at something to absolutely love it. Sometimes I think I'm not worthy to say I'm a dancer or I really love ballroom. But I am, and I do. I love how when a samba is blasting in the Marriot, my heart beats to 1--a 2, 3--a 4. I love how the waltz makes me hold my breath until count 3 again. I love not being able to carry on a conversation because I'm so mesmerized by the people on the floor. I love not being able to control the urge to choreograph a little routine in my head when a song comes on. I love the fake tans, the fake nails, the fake hair, the fake eyelashes, but the real passion that drenches the air. So am I the world's greatest dancer? No. But I still have the right to love it with all my heart and dance whenever I feel like it.

Dancesport will always be one of my favorite weekends of the year.