confession

I'm going to try to make this vague.

I have a friend that is one of those music commandos. This means that her music choices trump everyone else's. It's always her ipod that is used to play in the car, the room, whatever. Normally I'm pretty chill with people's music choices, and I can learn to appreciate a lot of types.

But there is something about her purely hip-hop choices that just makes me want to throw her ipod home off a cliff. I even like some hip-hop, but I feel like the particular facet of hip-hop she likes is the exact type that I loathe.

But I really enjoy her as a friend.

Love the music player. Hate the music.

me

So I'm not a big fan of married blogs.

I should rephrase since I have readers with married blogs. What I mean is, I hate when people start a blog only for the sake that they are married. I don't know if that conveys a different meaning...

Case in point: (or is it point in case??) I came across a blog of a girl who was recently married and who was excited that she could finally have a blog due to her personal rule that only married people should have blogs. Apparently the "single life" just wasn't that interesting to blog about.

I disagree. I blog because I have opinions, experiences, goals, questions, humor, analyzations, and oberservations to offer to the cyber world. Or these can just be for my benefit and the benefit of my biggest blog fan [mom :)], and that is enough too.

Getting married doesn't change your personality or suddenly turn a light switch on in your brain to have thoughts to share. Plus (certain) married blogs have that awkward "we." Everything is presented in we's. "We did this. We think that. We felt this way. We want things that way. We're having a baby!" (not physiologically possible...) "We're eating dinner! We're getting a new job!" I feel like married blogs become more about the things you do together--most of which doesn't have a lot of profound meaning or interest--and you sound like you have morphed into one entity. Marriage shouldn't be about homogenizing. It should be about celebrating two people with two brains and two personalities who manage to synergistically create something better with each other.

And most of the time it's only one of the partners blogging anyway, which is why using the "we" pronoun for everything seems odd since the other half rarely participates in the blogging experience.

Anyway, that's all.

p.s. (This is nothing against you Claire in case you are wondering. I think you are fabulous :))

Cortisol

I really don't know how I'm going to make it this week.

I possible haven't had a week this bad my whole college career.

Entender

I really just want to understand Spanish literature. I feel like I'm just getting by with a shallow knowledge of the storyline or by a substandard English translation--as much as I hate that. I really want to tear it apart, analyze it, digest it, let it get under my skin, arrest a portion of my mind. This is what English literature used to be for me back in high school. I have only taken one English class at BYU, and it was Writing about Literature (ENG 314). As much as I love science, I love dually English, art, dance, and music--despite my lack of talent in them. I feel both subjects of science and the arts are equally important to all aspects of life. They both require critical thinking and creativity in the end. I took ENG 314 my freshmen year to get a break from all the science. Technical writing was the class that was suggested for my major, but I would not have been able to stand it. Sadly, I took ENG 314 during a spring term, which was an accerlerated pace (read: shortened time to get to all the things you wanted to get to), and we spent the first part of class learning how to write cover letters and resumes and things of that nature. Useful, but boring. I think the class ended too soon.

Anyway, Spanish literature is just baffling. Partly because I'm not extremely fluent, and partly because I'm still comprehending the fantastic nature of it.

Basically, I'm staying home on a Friday night, so I can think about literature. I haven't done that in a long time.

even artichokes have hearts

In case you didn't know, I'm a vegetarian. Sometimes I forget that I have this stigma. I was just sitting here eating my tofu, broccoli, and wild rice concoction, and I thought, "this is probably a really odd food choice for some people." I've lived this way for over four years now, and I have forgotten that people actually eat meat--not literally forgotten, but it is such a foreign thing to me now. I don't think about meat. I don't ever see a symbolic empty space on my plate that needs to be replaced or substituted with an "alternative." This always provides me with a rude awakening when I go to a restaurant because every dish features meat as the main course, and it now baffles me as to why. It makes no sense in my veggie brain.

Anyway, this post really has no direction. I was just realizing that a lot of my food choices are odd, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Peace, love, and fruit!

How Bizarre

One thing I love about Provo is their abundance of frozen yogurt shops. Just when you think the economy is bad enough to support another business, up comes another froyo place with the exact same features as the others. They are all the same. Self-serve, tons of flavors, every imaginable topping, over-sized styrofoam dishes to make it impossible to exert moderation--and I love it. This frozen self-serve dessert concept was very foreign back in Bonney Lake, but it's actually the greatest thing since those ice cream man Tweety bird popsicles with the gumball nose (anyone remember those?? They also had other characters if I remember correctly...)

Anyway, there is one thing I don't understand. When I go to pay, there is a tip jar.

???

Walk me through this. I came here. I got my own dish and served myself. The only thing you did was take my money, and technically, even I swiped my own debit card. So I'm confused as for what I'm tipping you. Is it because you gave me a sample cup? Is it for standing there looking bored until I come to the register? Is it for your unconvincing cheery disposition or your honest apathetic one? Is it for the minimal job description you are already getting paid to do?

I'm just in need of some clarity on this one.

Earthquake

My movement is shaky--says my dance coach from our lesson today. I need to utilize this thing called my core. I hear that term so often, but what does it even mean??

Meh. I guess I'm just waiting for it to all click.

On another note, I was in my reproductive physiology class and we were all discussing journal articles that we had found. As I sat there I just thought, "I LOVE SCIENCE!!!" There are so many things to study.

How do I pick just one?

Tick Tock

I see these two people flirting in my class every day. It's actually quite entertaining. People are so weird and beautiful at the same time.

All I have to say is, dude, just do something about it already.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

I love bananas. Like love.

BUT, I am extremely fastidious in regards to the condition in which they should be. They must be bright yellow with the faintest hint of green towards the top or edges. Thick peel, no mushiness, no spots, no overly sweet flavor. Any more green or more brown than this delicate balance, is a no go. This is a constant frustration when I buy bananans because I have a 2-3 day window before I refuse to eat them anymore. So I only get to eat maybe half of the bananas I buy in their fresh condition. Brown or spotty bananas have theire uses too though. I freeze them for smoothies because they give a better flavor. (Frozen bright yellow bananas are a bad idea, I have learned.)

So when I am ridiculously wealthy and can pay people to do things for me, I am going to demand a new, fresh, bright yellow banana from the store every morning.

unemployed

I need a job (with all my extra time, I know.) I have time at nights and on weekends. I guess I'll give up the social life.

That is all.

Be OK

I saw someone I used to like today. The "out of sight, out of mind" practice was somewhat successful, but it couldn't last forever. Eventually I knew I would have to face things.

It was brief. It caught me off guard and made me hold my breath for a second.

Then I processed things and realized, I'm over it! Unrequited feelings can be really crushing sometimes, but life moves on. I was amazed at how okay I was. It was such a liberating feeling.

So for the record, my heart is just fine. Thanks :)

DOL nazi

Did anyone do DOL in school? Daily Oral Language?

I did this all through elementary and junior high school. It was basically these blatantly incorrect sentences that we would have to correct and rewrite. Occasionally they threw a curve ball that would stump the majority of the class, but mostly they were ridiculous.

Now I'm not an English major (though sometimes I wonder if I should have been). I take pride in my native tongue, and I've always been one to remember details and rules. This combined with the incessant DOL growing has thus turned me into a grammar nazi--but a passive one. I have been noticing this more and more. I don't call people out on their mistakes, but bad grammar drives me insane.

Some recent/frequent examples:
--Swum...is a word. Yes, it is hard to believe. I think I am the only person who uses it. I swam or I have swum. It is not: I have swam. Even when I use "swum," people will give me this funny look like I said "broughten" or something, but I find comfort in being right. This same principle works for "I drank" and "I have drunk."
--Alot...is not a word. It's two words actually. A lot. I thought this was old news, but apparently a lot of people are still in the dark.
--The phrase "drive safe" or "drive careful." There is this beautiful thing called the adverb, and it is one of the most constant rules we have in the English language. Please just add the --ly. I seriously whisper it too myself when someone leaves it off, because I can't handle the adjective-that-should-be-an-adverb dangling in the air like that.
--Sentences cannot end in prepositions. However, I am sometimes lenient on this one. Conversationally, it can be fine, but in written form, it looks odd. I only use it in writing if I am writing in a stream-of-consciousness style. Then I just write exactly how it first comes to mind, which is more of my conversational way of speaking.
--Subject-verb agreement. "Their" is not a term to establish gender neutrality. It signifies that there is more than one person of which you are speaking. A person must be paired with his or her correct pronoun.
--The difference between nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. Example: In church today the teacher asked, "What are some characteristics of Jesus Christ?" Then people proceeded to say things like loving, compassionate, patient, etc. Rather than focusing on the lesson, I was going crazy that their words were in the wrong part of speech. If you are asking for characteristics, you are asking for nouns--love, compassion, patience. The question could be phrased differently to produce adjective answers, but it wasn't.

Sometimes I'm just a little OCD.
--

End of the Week Apologies

Sorry if I have been grumpy or lethargic this week. It was probably because I was hungry. I have gone a personal record-breaking three weeks without new groceries.

Things left in my cupboard/fridge/freezer: a couple cans of black/kidney beans, 4 soy burgers, 1 can of green beans, half a bag of frozen blueberries and broccoli, quinoa, and dried lentils.

And that's it. Seriously.

Costco extravaganza coming extremely soon.

Compromise

I tried to set my blog so that my followers and normal people could comment and the weird stuff would be rejected.

But I think blogger hasn't gotten that advanced yet.

So now everyone can comment again. Hello asian spam!

Off Day

...not to be confused with "day off," which would be so lovely.

No, an off day is just when everything is broken. It started with my private lesson today with Brent, my intimidating coach. He's great; he really is. He definitely knows how to critique. I can talk to him like a normal person now, but deep down he still scares the hell out of me. I just hate the look on his face as he watches our routines. I just know it is not even near his standard of good dancing. Everything I did just...didn't work. It was messy and unbalanced and lacking control. Sometimes I feel that there's so much to fix that Brent just probably feels overwhelmed with everything to correct. And everything that I do need to fix would probably not be ready by next week's lesson. Things like balance, control, speed, etc. are so frustrating to work on because it takes so long to see improvement.

This was only at 7 a.m. Then I had team, and I was off again with everything. I have a duet with another couple, but I always worry that Brent has regretted his decision to put me in that spot. And I hate the possibility of that feeling.

Then I was lost in Dev. Biology, thought I was on in Spanish, but took a quiz and apparently wasn't. I was really frustrated because I actually read the play, but I didn't fully understand what he was asking on the quiz due to my faulty Spanish skills. I botched the whole thing, and I hate that my professor thinks that I probably just slacked off.

I couldn't focus in Repro. Phys. even though I love the subject.

I found some serenity in the lab...except the PC-12 cells are frustrating and not surviving.

Gold II Standard...meh. Sometimes I wish I would just get it. I feel like I look the same way dancing as when I first started. I wish I had better habits about my head placement and the use of my latissimus dorsi muscles (anatomy what?) and my knees, knees, knees. We rotate partners, and when I don't have a partner, I'll sometimes dance with the TA because he really knows what he is doing. It helps me a lot, but I fear that he feels annoyed having to dance with me because of my lack of ability.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. That's what I have to say about today.

Food

The lack of groceries makes me really contemplate foods I really love.

Here it goes (in no particular order):
-rice and beans
-thai food
-indian food
-fruit--especially the expensive, short season things like raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, mangoes, nectarines...but really, everything.
-steamed carrots
-smoothies
-breakfast
-peanut/almond butter (natural, of course) or just the nuts themselves
-a good vegetarian lasagna

This is not even an exhaustive list by any means.