Blue Jello

It's Christmas Eve!!

This means my family eats pigs in a blanket, jello, potato salad, baked beans, and any other informal type of food. (p.s. thanks to mom for adjusting to my dietary needs and buying tofu dogs for my pigs in a blanket.) I like our tradition because it's so quirky. It's like rubbing our noses in all those impersonal prime rib or turkey dinners. We'll play games tonight or watch movies. It's a pretty chill evening, but it makes me realize how much I love my family.

Merry Christmas everyone!

while in the waiting while waiting for the news i hallucinated i could read your mind

Sorry the title has nothing to do with anything.

Here's the low down on my break:

I drove home with Scott and Stasia. I drove the whole way. It's interesting how you can do things when you know you have to do them (brilliant, I know.) But really, when I used to drive home with my sister, I remember that I could never drive the whole way, and I used to just make her do it. But this time wasn't that bad. The roads were thankfully snowless. To my parent's resentment I went 85-90 the whole time. Sorry mom and dad, but hey, no tickets!

I hung out with the Lears. I'm still comfortably sitting at #1 on the best babysitter ever list. It's nice being the best at something in my life. Maybe being a mom is all I'll ever be good at. Just kidding. [I even spelled it out for emphasis.]

I finally saw LAUREN--my best friend from highschool and life in general. Again, I spell out best friend because BFF or bestie or twinsie or BFFer or sugar friendsy cupcake face (a little far...) are all very shallow terms for me. It's something for giddy junior high schoolers. Lauren is not my best friend because we have the same clothing style and like Dawson's Creek. She's my best friend because we know so much about each other, that it doesn't matter how long time passes between seeing each other, it is still the same when I get back. And it's not blackmail know about each other. It's a deep, empathetic, caring knowledge about what makes her Lauren and me Tanya. When we give the updates of each others' lives, I don't have to say "how do you feel about that?" because I already know. We have seen each other in our most awkward and vulnerable times growing up, and that is something you don't just throw away because a few states separate your college towns. I love Lauren with all my heart and always want the best for her.

I went to the dentist today. I have crappy enamel, but straight teeth. My brother got the invinsible enamel and the somewhat crooked smile (all those years of thumbsucking, I tell ya...) So, I don't know which I would take because digging floss in my gums and scraping around my teeth makes me want to scream and bite the dental hygienist who is trying make small talk while I am drooling uncontrollably and she is spraying and sucking water and scraping and polishing my teeth. In case you didn't know, it takes two people to have a conversation, and their mouths must be free of all objects and body parts. Communication 101 people... you'd think that would be part of their night school courses. Okay, that was a little harsh. I completely respect dental hygienists--just not the ones who bitch me out for not flossing afterwards and treat me like I'm stupid. And one other awkward thing: I come in and sit down. The lady comes in a starts talking, and here is the conversation:

Dental hygienist: "So you're still at BYU?"
Me: "Yeah"
DH: "What's your major"
Me: "Uh, physiology" [Must we do the small talk thing?]
DH: Oh that's right, you're thinking about being a PA, right?

So, apparently they write down my hopes and dreams and life goals in my dental file.

Well, this has been a completely random conglomeration of subjects, but that's how my break is going so far.

can we just stop this cruel game???

So...maybe finals aren't going as planned. (READ: I've been extremely distracted with SVU marathons and still haven't taken the two finals I was supposed to take...by Tuesday.)

So here's the plan: Study all night. Take physics in the morning and physiology in the afternoon. Come home. Pack. Clean. Sleeeeeeep.

Then I get to wake up dark and early at 5:00 a.m. on Friday morning and drive for 13 hours in Lennon. Lennon is my hunter green ghetto honda civic (probably needed to capitalize something in there...) I don't think I've explained Lennon's naming process. Naming a car is a very important thing. Cars just seem to have personalities to me (and I'm not even a car person...) Anyway, when I first got Lennon, I knew he was a boy...actually an older, worn-out man. He got his name because he is an earthy hippie kind of color. Since he's a civic, he's a classic. Something that lasts forever--like the Beatles. They will always be played and enjoyed just like civics will always be not too cool and not too lame. Also, when I first got the [used] car it smelled pleasantly like marijuana. Contrary to my mom's insistance that I was wrong, someone had most definitely hit the peace pipe in that car a fair few times. And we all know the about the chemically good times the Beatles had. So my car's name is Lennon--like the older "Imagine" era Lennon. He's had his good run, and now he's just cruising and will probably die out of the blue one day (may you rest in peace, John).

So there's your ramble for the night. Time for an all-nighter. i love my life. (In a couple days that won't be sarcastic.

on the agenda

Things I (desperately) need to do:

--Read 3 of the final research papers and answer the problems
--laundry
--go to the TA
--study physics

Have a lovely day!

why???

Dear Dr. Rees,

Why do you have to give the longest assignment of the year on the last day of class?

Sincerely,

Tanya

BLURG

Gahhh. I just took my cell bio test. I even took it on not the last day (which might be a first for this semester...) And I got an even lower score than the first test!!!! I went to four hours of reviews and then studied some more. The TA made it sound so easy. Am I just retarded? If everyone else aced this test, then I really am a failure. At the same time I don't want everyone else to fail as well.

What happened?? Why does nothing work together for my good anymore? I can't even claim nerd status if I can't even perform well in my classes. I know I'm not the beauty of the bunch, but that was never really what I was trying to sell. If I don't have my intelligence and work ethic...

I have nothing.

Why does life hate me?

it's not the pale moon

I can't wait...

for a lot of things...

but mostly just one thing.

:)

oh the nebulousness...(which is quite a fun word to use)

it's not the pale moon

I can't wait...



for a lot of things...



but mostly just one thing.



:)



oh the nebulousness...(which is

here we are as in olden days...

It's the last Monday of Fall Semester!! ( I feel like there were too many capitals in that sentence.)

So, this morning kind of sucked... Last night I went to bed at 8:30 because I was exhausted and for once didn't want to be groggy Monday morning. Well, I all the sudden I woke up at like 10:30, and my body thought it was just a little nap, and I was wide awake. I lay in bed for about two hours, got up, ate some soup, lay down for another hour or so, and somehow finally went to sleep. I really tried to be responsible!

Anyway, this week is busier than actual finals week. Here is the agenda to which I must adhere!

Monday: Take cell bio test, write at least 3 pgs of Spanish paper (hopefully the whole thing)
Tuesday: New Testament writing assignment, read final cell bio paper, work on Spanish paper some more, do physiology assignment that I procrastinated all semester, physiology problem sets, go to ballroom social
Wednesday: Physics homework, get Spanish paper corrected, work on cell bio problem sets
Thursday: Turn in Spanish paper, go in to TA to get help on cell bio problem sets
Friday: sleep in, return books, study for physics and physiology
Saturday: sleep in, study for physics and physiology

Monday: Turn in cell bio final, take physics test, be done with physics forever, maybe do NT final on blackboard
Tuesday: physiology final, start packing up!

I only have two actual tests in the testing center. This is the best finals week ever. (Well, as good as a finals week can be.)

Enough procrastinating. Time to be hardworking.

Ready. Set. Go.

just another thursday

Okay I'm now running out of things to blog about. It seems like whenever I blog it's when I'm frustrated about something. So I'm trying to blog about good things :)

I have a cell bio test this weekend. I don't really understand anything right now, but I know I will by Tuesday night :) This class has been really difficult for me because we read a lot of primary research on cell biology, but I absolutely love it. I love understanding something I had no clue about before. I love knowing the intricate details of what goes on in a single cell. I love understanding the beginnings of how we can possibly treat cancer based on what we know about cell division. Even though I want to work with people when I grow up, I kind of think it would be cool to work in a research lab and be the first to witness such amazing findings. Sometimes I fear that I just don't have a scientist brain--that I'm not intuitive enough or creative enough or smart enough. I feel like that in class a lot. It seems that I'm missing out on this whole pool of knowledge to which every one else seems to have access.

Even though I took and passed (barely) o-chem, I still feel nauseous when people bring it up because it is one of my failures in life, I consider. I left that class hanging by my fingertips. I didn't master the subject like I wanted to. (I actually never even returned my o-chem book because of this. I feel like it would completely close the door for that class.)
As nerdy as this sounds, I still have a desire to just sit and learn all that stuff again. I actually love the subject, I'm just terrible at it. Synthesis was my favorite thing--when I could figure it out. The only reason I feign to hate it is because I didn't do as well as I could have. And it's my own fault. Biochemistry: this will NOT happen.

I have control over my successes. That is my mantra for finals and next semester.

Was that really necessary???

So I just finished the physics assignment that I was complaining about-oh, say-4 hours ago!!! Really, Dr. Rees, really? I pretty much do every problem, get them wrong, then use the answer to work backwards, and then I get it right on the second try with the new values. (My homework is done on the internet, and we get three tries, but the values will change if you get it wrong, so that way you actually have to do the problem.)

Anyway, now I have to go on to other homework. Lovely.

BUT, I only have one more homework assignment, quiz, and test for that class. And then I will be done with physics foreVER, foreVER, foreVER...(a la Squints from The Sandlot).

;alsdkfjasdifj;a

I HATE PHYSICS!!!

I'M FIVE YEARS OLDER AND IN COLLEGE!!!!

Haha okay that was just a random quote from Teen Girl Squad way back in junior high days. Oh Mountain View...

I just have to say that I love blogging.

And sorry I've been negative. I actually felt semi-productive today. That's good.

Later I'll make a list of what I should do.

Another weird thing about me

Sometimes I stay up late because I think I can put off the morning by doing it.

It never works.

And I always hate myself in the morning.