Blue Jello

It's Christmas Eve!!

This means my family eats pigs in a blanket, jello, potato salad, baked beans, and any other informal type of food. (p.s. thanks to mom for adjusting to my dietary needs and buying tofu dogs for my pigs in a blanket.) I like our tradition because it's so quirky. It's like rubbing our noses in all those impersonal prime rib or turkey dinners. We'll play games tonight or watch movies. It's a pretty chill evening, but it makes me realize how much I love my family.

Merry Christmas everyone!

while in the waiting while waiting for the news i hallucinated i could read your mind

Sorry the title has nothing to do with anything.

Here's the low down on my break:

I drove home with Scott and Stasia. I drove the whole way. It's interesting how you can do things when you know you have to do them (brilliant, I know.) But really, when I used to drive home with my sister, I remember that I could never drive the whole way, and I used to just make her do it. But this time wasn't that bad. The roads were thankfully snowless. To my parent's resentment I went 85-90 the whole time. Sorry mom and dad, but hey, no tickets!

I hung out with the Lears. I'm still comfortably sitting at #1 on the best babysitter ever list. It's nice being the best at something in my life. Maybe being a mom is all I'll ever be good at. Just kidding. [I even spelled it out for emphasis.]

I finally saw LAUREN--my best friend from highschool and life in general. Again, I spell out best friend because BFF or bestie or twinsie or BFFer or sugar friendsy cupcake face (a little far...) are all very shallow terms for me. It's something for giddy junior high schoolers. Lauren is not my best friend because we have the same clothing style and like Dawson's Creek. She's my best friend because we know so much about each other, that it doesn't matter how long time passes between seeing each other, it is still the same when I get back. And it's not blackmail know about each other. It's a deep, empathetic, caring knowledge about what makes her Lauren and me Tanya. When we give the updates of each others' lives, I don't have to say "how do you feel about that?" because I already know. We have seen each other in our most awkward and vulnerable times growing up, and that is something you don't just throw away because a few states separate your college towns. I love Lauren with all my heart and always want the best for her.

I went to the dentist today. I have crappy enamel, but straight teeth. My brother got the invinsible enamel and the somewhat crooked smile (all those years of thumbsucking, I tell ya...) So, I don't know which I would take because digging floss in my gums and scraping around my teeth makes me want to scream and bite the dental hygienist who is trying make small talk while I am drooling uncontrollably and she is spraying and sucking water and scraping and polishing my teeth. In case you didn't know, it takes two people to have a conversation, and their mouths must be free of all objects and body parts. Communication 101 people... you'd think that would be part of their night school courses. Okay, that was a little harsh. I completely respect dental hygienists--just not the ones who bitch me out for not flossing afterwards and treat me like I'm stupid. And one other awkward thing: I come in and sit down. The lady comes in a starts talking, and here is the conversation:

Dental hygienist: "So you're still at BYU?"
Me: "Yeah"
DH: "What's your major"
Me: "Uh, physiology" [Must we do the small talk thing?]
DH: Oh that's right, you're thinking about being a PA, right?

So, apparently they write down my hopes and dreams and life goals in my dental file.

Well, this has been a completely random conglomeration of subjects, but that's how my break is going so far.

can we just stop this cruel game???

So...maybe finals aren't going as planned. (READ: I've been extremely distracted with SVU marathons and still haven't taken the two finals I was supposed to take...by Tuesday.)

So here's the plan: Study all night. Take physics in the morning and physiology in the afternoon. Come home. Pack. Clean. Sleeeeeeep.

Then I get to wake up dark and early at 5:00 a.m. on Friday morning and drive for 13 hours in Lennon. Lennon is my hunter green ghetto honda civic (probably needed to capitalize something in there...) I don't think I've explained Lennon's naming process. Naming a car is a very important thing. Cars just seem to have personalities to me (and I'm not even a car person...) Anyway, when I first got Lennon, I knew he was a boy...actually an older, worn-out man. He got his name because he is an earthy hippie kind of color. Since he's a civic, he's a classic. Something that lasts forever--like the Beatles. They will always be played and enjoyed just like civics will always be not too cool and not too lame. Also, when I first got the [used] car it smelled pleasantly like marijuana. Contrary to my mom's insistance that I was wrong, someone had most definitely hit the peace pipe in that car a fair few times. And we all know the about the chemically good times the Beatles had. So my car's name is Lennon--like the older "Imagine" era Lennon. He's had his good run, and now he's just cruising and will probably die out of the blue one day (may you rest in peace, John).

So there's your ramble for the night. Time for an all-nighter. i love my life. (In a couple days that won't be sarcastic.

on the agenda

Things I (desperately) need to do:

--Read 3 of the final research papers and answer the problems
--laundry
--go to the TA
--study physics

Have a lovely day!

why???

Dear Dr. Rees,

Why do you have to give the longest assignment of the year on the last day of class?

Sincerely,

Tanya

BLURG

Gahhh. I just took my cell bio test. I even took it on not the last day (which might be a first for this semester...) And I got an even lower score than the first test!!!! I went to four hours of reviews and then studied some more. The TA made it sound so easy. Am I just retarded? If everyone else aced this test, then I really am a failure. At the same time I don't want everyone else to fail as well.

What happened?? Why does nothing work together for my good anymore? I can't even claim nerd status if I can't even perform well in my classes. I know I'm not the beauty of the bunch, but that was never really what I was trying to sell. If I don't have my intelligence and work ethic...

I have nothing.

Why does life hate me?

it's not the pale moon

I can't wait...

for a lot of things...

but mostly just one thing.

:)

oh the nebulousness...(which is quite a fun word to use)

it's not the pale moon

I can't wait...



for a lot of things...



but mostly just one thing.



:)



oh the nebulousness...(which is

here we are as in olden days...

It's the last Monday of Fall Semester!! ( I feel like there were too many capitals in that sentence.)

So, this morning kind of sucked... Last night I went to bed at 8:30 because I was exhausted and for once didn't want to be groggy Monday morning. Well, I all the sudden I woke up at like 10:30, and my body thought it was just a little nap, and I was wide awake. I lay in bed for about two hours, got up, ate some soup, lay down for another hour or so, and somehow finally went to sleep. I really tried to be responsible!

Anyway, this week is busier than actual finals week. Here is the agenda to which I must adhere!

Monday: Take cell bio test, write at least 3 pgs of Spanish paper (hopefully the whole thing)
Tuesday: New Testament writing assignment, read final cell bio paper, work on Spanish paper some more, do physiology assignment that I procrastinated all semester, physiology problem sets, go to ballroom social
Wednesday: Physics homework, get Spanish paper corrected, work on cell bio problem sets
Thursday: Turn in Spanish paper, go in to TA to get help on cell bio problem sets
Friday: sleep in, return books, study for physics and physiology
Saturday: sleep in, study for physics and physiology

Monday: Turn in cell bio final, take physics test, be done with physics forever, maybe do NT final on blackboard
Tuesday: physiology final, start packing up!

I only have two actual tests in the testing center. This is the best finals week ever. (Well, as good as a finals week can be.)

Enough procrastinating. Time to be hardworking.

Ready. Set. Go.

just another thursday

Okay I'm now running out of things to blog about. It seems like whenever I blog it's when I'm frustrated about something. So I'm trying to blog about good things :)

I have a cell bio test this weekend. I don't really understand anything right now, but I know I will by Tuesday night :) This class has been really difficult for me because we read a lot of primary research on cell biology, but I absolutely love it. I love understanding something I had no clue about before. I love knowing the intricate details of what goes on in a single cell. I love understanding the beginnings of how we can possibly treat cancer based on what we know about cell division. Even though I want to work with people when I grow up, I kind of think it would be cool to work in a research lab and be the first to witness such amazing findings. Sometimes I fear that I just don't have a scientist brain--that I'm not intuitive enough or creative enough or smart enough. I feel like that in class a lot. It seems that I'm missing out on this whole pool of knowledge to which every one else seems to have access.

Even though I took and passed (barely) o-chem, I still feel nauseous when people bring it up because it is one of my failures in life, I consider. I left that class hanging by my fingertips. I didn't master the subject like I wanted to. (I actually never even returned my o-chem book because of this. I feel like it would completely close the door for that class.)
As nerdy as this sounds, I still have a desire to just sit and learn all that stuff again. I actually love the subject, I'm just terrible at it. Synthesis was my favorite thing--when I could figure it out. The only reason I feign to hate it is because I didn't do as well as I could have. And it's my own fault. Biochemistry: this will NOT happen.

I have control over my successes. That is my mantra for finals and next semester.

Was that really necessary???

So I just finished the physics assignment that I was complaining about-oh, say-4 hours ago!!! Really, Dr. Rees, really? I pretty much do every problem, get them wrong, then use the answer to work backwards, and then I get it right on the second try with the new values. (My homework is done on the internet, and we get three tries, but the values will change if you get it wrong, so that way you actually have to do the problem.)

Anyway, now I have to go on to other homework. Lovely.

BUT, I only have one more homework assignment, quiz, and test for that class. And then I will be done with physics foreVER, foreVER, foreVER...(a la Squints from The Sandlot).

;alsdkfjasdifj;a

I HATE PHYSICS!!!

I'M FIVE YEARS OLDER AND IN COLLEGE!!!!

Haha okay that was just a random quote from Teen Girl Squad way back in junior high days. Oh Mountain View...

I just have to say that I love blogging.

And sorry I've been negative. I actually felt semi-productive today. That's good.

Later I'll make a list of what I should do.

Another weird thing about me

Sometimes I stay up late because I think I can put off the morning by doing it.

It never works.

And I always hate myself in the morning.

Girls!*

*To be shouted obnoxiously like the Beastie Boys song

BUT, all I really want is NOT girls. Girls are so...ugh sometimes. Feminist as I may be, I will be the first to admit the faults of my own gender. But I'm going to make a distinction between women and girls. The main difference between these stages is a little quality called maturity. And when that settles in--no one can predict for sure.

Two things I noticed today:

1.) Girls are shallow. Exhibit A: I've noticed this girl. [No, not like that. I'm just a people-watcher. They fascinate me.] This particular girl does not talk to people outside her social class. If you do not have fashion sense, are not particularly beautiful, do not have some sort of noticeable talent, basically if you do not have anything she could ever covet, this girl will ignore you. She feeds off of attention from others. Especially boys. If you try being part of a conversation she's in, she kind of doesn't acknowledge your presence. She tries to come off as edgy and original and just the girl-next-door, but there is an element of cattiness to it all. It's quite annoying.

2.) Girls are territorial. Exhibit B: I noticed this today in one girl, but I realized it's not the first time I've seen this happen. Girls love to be surrounded by boys. They especially love when they are the only girl in the group to be doted on and flirted with. Today I joined a group of people that had one girl and a few guys. The boys all acknowledged me, responded to what I said, etc. Did the girl? Nope. Even when it's one boy and two girls, the girls will interact with the boy but not the other girl. Interesting.

Why are girls so dramatic and vicious? I think I feel more judgment eminating from girls' narrowing eyes than from boy's misconstrued notions of femininity.

This is why I have found that hanging out with guys is a lot less stressful and a lot more fun.

Matt, Adam, Kevin, and Cory(when you're home, I guess)--I love you guys! Thanks for letting me be a 5th roommate.

And one other thing

Dear World,
It has been positively divine getting 10+ hours of sleep every night and not having to do a shred of work.

Please don't make me go back to school--with a cherry on top.

Desperately Yours,

Tanya

Don't tell anyone but...

So BYU just played and beat U of U in a silly football game. And guess what? I don't really care. (gasp!) I know. I know. It's fun to watch the game and get all excited, but...
1.) I really don't get football rules. I never know why a ref is throwing a flag. I don't know why they set up the way they do. The setups just look chaotic in the end anyway. I don't know why sometimes the players can pick up the ball when another player drops it, and sometimes they can't. All I know is that we try to throw, catch, and run to the other end of the field. Exciting.
2.) I think it's unfair that a school's entire worth is largely supported by the success of its football team. So what, we beat U of U at a football game, and we automatically become a superior school for a year. The logic is hardly conclusive.
3.) Football is long. The games last forever because they start-stop-start-stop.

That's what I think anyway.

I just want to watch SVU...

I've been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lazy this break. It kind of feels nice though. But there is nothing on TV. I finally get the time to watch it, and they never play my favorite show: Law and Order SVU. Or any show worth watching for that matter.

And I sound pathetic.

Maybe I should read a book or something...

A weird thing about me

I anticipate that this will be a more-than-once blog post title.

So I hate country music. Sorry. Actually I'm not sorry. Taylor Swift, as green and adorable as she is, grates at my ears with her overplayed tunes...which I guess isn't entirely her fault. There are some country songs I do like occasionally just to put out a disclaimer. But the majority of country music, I just can't stand. I went through a phase one summer in like eighth grade where I loved it, and whenever I here a country song that was popular in that era of my life, I feel a sense of nostalgia for that time. But that's it.

However, I love Patsy Cline--who is just about as country as they come. There is just something about her voice that captures the pain of rejected or unrequited love like no other artist I've heard. I only listen to her when I'm really really sad.

It's weird. That's all.

Generic Thanksgiving Post

Okay, I hate being cliche, but I'll make an exception this one time. *Disclaimer: this is not the only day I feel grateful for things.

Things I am grateful for:

The Big Stuff:
--a loving Heavenly Father
--a merciful Savior
--the atonement of Jesus Christ
--a family that understands my weirdness
--true friends

Patriotic Stuff:
--a country where I can say what I want, worship how I please, vote for my leaders, etc.
--men and women who are willing to fight for my freedoms
--a president who hasn't followed through on a lot of the socialist things he said he would do
--public education
--affirmative action...when it's on my side :)

Stuff taken for granted:
--the custom of this country to brush teeth and shower often
--insulated walls
--a grocery store within a mile
--always having something to eat
--always having somewhere to sleep
--a university that is significantly cheaper in price but not in education

Completely random stuff:
--that I don't have leprosy
--that I have a friend who owns Rock Band
--the versatility of soy
--that my leg hair does not grow as fast as a man's
--that I don't have to shave my face
--that my thrombocytes function properly--as do the p53 proteins in my cells
--that my overies and uterus correctly respond to the hormones sent out from my pituitary gland, and provide enough negative feedback to keep the system in check.
--my sympathetic nervous system! (and parasympathetic for that matter...)
--people who donate their bodies to science
--OB/GYNs that boldly go where not a lot of other people want to go
--that Dr. Porter magically knows the days when to make Monday quizzes a group quiz
--the rr in espanol
--the color teal
--that women stopped wearing corsets
--that my toes aren't webbed
--the development of ballroom dance
--yulia zagorychenko in all her perfection
--car fresheners
--the view of Mt. Rainier at the top of 410 that I rarely see anymore
--that my mom never tried to live vicariously through me
--that potatoes are so cheap

I could go on...

But in all, I'm grateful for my life. It's not perfect, but it's all I've got, and I'm going to make the best of it.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Bored

This always happens. I finally get the *ganas to blog, but I want to blog all the time now. Then in about two weeks I will lose all desire. But while I am here I just want to say that I love blogging because I love writing. I don't get to do it in my major a lot, so it's very refreshing. The real reason for my stopping of blogging is because I started journaling last January. I keep up on it pretty well. I thought about just journaling and copying the entries to this blog because I write my journal in a Word document. Obviously I would take out the really deep and personal stuff, but it would give me a blueprint at least. Then I realized that blogging and journaling are completely different because the audiences are different. Maybe only a literature-enthusiast would know what I mean, but my journal entries just wouldn't fit here. My writing style differs as the setting differs. And even though this audience is vastly imaginary, it is still a variable which must be factored into this writing.

Things I must do now:
1. Read a General Conference talk
2. Start Cien Años de Soledad for Spanish
3. Make lunch

*ganas is a Spanish term loosely translated to desire. But as my favorite Spanish teacher Mrs. Nelson first taught me, there is just something more to the word that cannot be translated. You just have to know Spanish, I guess.

I'm baaaaaack

Maybe I'll try this blogging thing again. My New Year's resolutions from last year are laugable, but it's almost time to make another list.

And I was almost going to abandon this blog forever until I saw that Tommy was a follower. I was pretty sure I was the only one who had read my blog for like the first year it was created. But it made me smile that someone else cared or even just randomly stumbled upon it. That's because I don't like being those people who post in their facebook statuses (stati??) things like: "everyone read my blog now!" (read: "I want to impress you with how blog savvy I am and casually throw out some pretentious thoughts.") Not all blogs are like this, but I'm sure you've all come across a blog or two in this fashion.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I just want to say to the internet world that I am going to take up a little more cyberspace these days with my inquiries, ponderings, musings, rants, annoyances, gratitude, and most of all ramblings.