just another thursday

Okay I'm now running out of things to blog about. It seems like whenever I blog it's when I'm frustrated about something. So I'm trying to blog about good things :)

I have a cell bio test this weekend. I don't really understand anything right now, but I know I will by Tuesday night :) This class has been really difficult for me because we read a lot of primary research on cell biology, but I absolutely love it. I love understanding something I had no clue about before. I love knowing the intricate details of what goes on in a single cell. I love understanding the beginnings of how we can possibly treat cancer based on what we know about cell division. Even though I want to work with people when I grow up, I kind of think it would be cool to work in a research lab and be the first to witness such amazing findings. Sometimes I fear that I just don't have a scientist brain--that I'm not intuitive enough or creative enough or smart enough. I feel like that in class a lot. It seems that I'm missing out on this whole pool of knowledge to which every one else seems to have access.

Even though I took and passed (barely) o-chem, I still feel nauseous when people bring it up because it is one of my failures in life, I consider. I left that class hanging by my fingertips. I didn't master the subject like I wanted to. (I actually never even returned my o-chem book because of this. I feel like it would completely close the door for that class.)
As nerdy as this sounds, I still have a desire to just sit and learn all that stuff again. I actually love the subject, I'm just terrible at it. Synthesis was my favorite thing--when I could figure it out. The only reason I feign to hate it is because I didn't do as well as I could have. And it's my own fault. Biochemistry: this will NOT happen.

I have control over my successes. That is my mantra for finals and next semester.