you heard it here first

I have a lot of time to dream up random things.

My latest: I want to do stand-up comedy (like, once--not as a life career.)

When I'm home by myself, I find myself turning everything into a joke. And then I imagine how I would tell it in front of an audience. I may or may not have even practiced in front of a mirror. (Gosh, I need to get out of here....)

Anyway, maybe when I'm a grad student, I'll try out for my school's stand up comedy troupe or entertain a church party.

Note to self: This could all go horrible awry...and leave me crying in shame. But I could check it off the bucket list!

what i've learned in 22 years

There exists a black hole.

This black hole collects socks, hair ties, bobby pins, pencils with the erasers still on them, and...

tupperware lids.

Finding a lid that fits on a certain container has been the bane of my college existence and my recent living-at-home existence.

If I find one more mismatched lid/container, I'm going to..................I don't know yet, but probably lash out drastically--at the tupperware.

(P.S. I realize that tupperware is really just a brand name and not the official name for plastic containers. Thus it should be capitalized, but I'm not actually referring necessarily to actual Tupperware. Hence, I'm not going to capitalize it. This is kind of how people use the word kleenex to refer to a any tissue. Props to the brilliant marketing team who brainwashed everyone into thinking they are the same.)

weird thing about me #43817

Sometimes I wear men's deodorant. Of course I own women's deodorant too, but most of them smell too floral-y/baby powder-y to the point of being nauseating. When this is combined with sweat, it makes for a horrid outcome: sweaty flowers--naturally. No bueno. So when I know it's a really hot day, or I'm going to work out, I use something a little stronger. (Why do deodorant companies think women don't sweat??)

That's my attempt at justifying this cross-deodorizing.

However. Because men's deodorant is more aromatic than it's female counterpart, sometimes I'll catch a whiff of some divine, manly fragrant. Then I think something irrational like, "I must find whoever just walked into the room because we should reproduce right now based on his scent alone." Or something to that effect... But I soon realize that it's myself that I'm smelling, and I am sorely disappointed for two reasons. 1.) No such male being exists at that moment, and 2.) For a brief moment, I was unintentionally an autosexual.

Yikes. I guess that means I should lay off the Old Spice.

Letters

Dear Earth,
Sorry I took three showers today. I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to stay in the pool or not.

Dear Blogger website,
Can you somehow block the Asian spammers from commenting on my blog? [Or to be politically correct, the racially anonymous people who write in an Asian language] Thanks.

Dear John Butler,
You are hot. Your band was on fire last night. Thank you for putting your soul on the stage and letting everyone partake. I just love everything you do. Thanks for not forgetting what music is all about.

Dear You,
That isn't the only reason I talk to you. I hope I'm not being too weird.

Dear Facebook,
We need to break up for a bit. And could you please not leave the notification number up when there are no new notifications? It sets off my OCD. Thanks.

One of my favorite BYU remarks

*Note to non-Mormon readers: I go to a predominantly Mormon college, which is sometimes frustrating to find diversity, but I generally love feeling a unity with people of my faith. We believe that sexual relations are reserved for marriage. So that is why you know when people get married, it's also a time of losing the v-card.

Typical overheard conversation:

Person: "Oh hey, [name]!"
Newly Married Person: Hey how are you?
P: So good! How about you? You just got married right?
NMP: Oh yeah last month
P: How's married life?
NMP: Oh it's so awesome.

Pause. "How's married life?" Really?? I typically only hear this conversation among females...maybe there is an occasional male in there. I always snicker a bit at this question because, come one, we're not stupid. At least I'm not. I know exactly what you mean when you say "how's married life?" What you really mean, is "how do you enjoy being sexually liberated after so long?" That's really all that's changed. Let's face it: You were probably together every minute you could be while you were engaged, so it's not like you see each other that much more. You now have to worry about insurance, cell phone bills, and other unforseen expenses that your parents may have used to take care of. You probably have even less money than before you were married. You have to be on birth control, which can be a hassle if your body doesn't like the brand you are using. But you get to have sex now--guilt-free. That's really the one good thing that comes out of this whole newly married mess.

Please don't think I am being obsene or anti-marriage. I think marriage is great when you're ready for it. It's an important and mature step in one's life to make such a commitment of love to the person you want to be with forever. It allows you to create an environment where love can grow deeper than you imagined. Sex is an expression of that love. Yes, some people use it for meaningless gratification, but that is not how I want to use it.

Anyway, I just wish people would say what they really mean when they ask a Mormon, "how's married life?" I guess that could just get uncomfortable and awkward, but it would be funny. I guess I'll be content with the ambiguous euphemism.

But just know, you're not fooling anybody.

I really just love life right now

So I gave blood today. The receptionist was a little crabby. The interviewer kind of made an awkward, flirtacious comment toward me, and then said that his wife would love my shirt. (?) It is also important to mention that he didn't have a wedding ring... An older man took my blood, and forgot the steps and had to repeat them out loud to himself. (i.e. "okay now I clamp it, and what's next?, um, oh yeah...) He mentioned that he was tired, asked me the same question a fair few times, and fished around for my vein to maximize the flow rate, so I couldn't set a PR for filling a pint of blood, but--no fear--on April 22 I will try again. Needless to say, there were some sketchy workers taking my blood. They probably will sell it on the black market. Whatev, I got juice and cookies...for FREE.



[The company was the best part though :) ]

haven't had a dream in a long time...

"so for once in my life, let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time."

I'm understanding more and more want Steven Morrisey meant when he wrote this song.

Anyway, so I realize when I actually have a life and do stuff, I blog less and less. Counterintuitive?

Needless to say, it was a good weekend. That's all I'll say about that.

On a negative point, I have been waking up in anxiety for the past three days. I just wish I could figure this all out.

I love ambiguity.

while in the waiting while waiting for the news i hallucinated i could read your mind

Sorry the title has nothing to do with anything.

Here's the low down on my break:

I drove home with Scott and Stasia. I drove the whole way. It's interesting how you can do things when you know you have to do them (brilliant, I know.) But really, when I used to drive home with my sister, I remember that I could never drive the whole way, and I used to just make her do it. But this time wasn't that bad. The roads were thankfully snowless. To my parent's resentment I went 85-90 the whole time. Sorry mom and dad, but hey, no tickets!

I hung out with the Lears. I'm still comfortably sitting at #1 on the best babysitter ever list. It's nice being the best at something in my life. Maybe being a mom is all I'll ever be good at. Just kidding. [I even spelled it out for emphasis.]

I finally saw LAUREN--my best friend from highschool and life in general. Again, I spell out best friend because BFF or bestie or twinsie or BFFer or sugar friendsy cupcake face (a little far...) are all very shallow terms for me. It's something for giddy junior high schoolers. Lauren is not my best friend because we have the same clothing style and like Dawson's Creek. She's my best friend because we know so much about each other, that it doesn't matter how long time passes between seeing each other, it is still the same when I get back. And it's not blackmail know about each other. It's a deep, empathetic, caring knowledge about what makes her Lauren and me Tanya. When we give the updates of each others' lives, I don't have to say "how do you feel about that?" because I already know. We have seen each other in our most awkward and vulnerable times growing up, and that is something you don't just throw away because a few states separate your college towns. I love Lauren with all my heart and always want the best for her.

I went to the dentist today. I have crappy enamel, but straight teeth. My brother got the invinsible enamel and the somewhat crooked smile (all those years of thumbsucking, I tell ya...) So, I don't know which I would take because digging floss in my gums and scraping around my teeth makes me want to scream and bite the dental hygienist who is trying make small talk while I am drooling uncontrollably and she is spraying and sucking water and scraping and polishing my teeth. In case you didn't know, it takes two people to have a conversation, and their mouths must be free of all objects and body parts. Communication 101 people... you'd think that would be part of their night school courses. Okay, that was a little harsh. I completely respect dental hygienists--just not the ones who bitch me out for not flossing afterwards and treat me like I'm stupid. And one other awkward thing: I come in and sit down. The lady comes in a starts talking, and here is the conversation:

Dental hygienist: "So you're still at BYU?"
Me: "Yeah"
DH: "What's your major"
Me: "Uh, physiology" [Must we do the small talk thing?]
DH: Oh that's right, you're thinking about being a PA, right?

So, apparently they write down my hopes and dreams and life goals in my dental file.

Well, this has been a completely random conglomeration of subjects, but that's how my break is going so far.

it's not the pale moon

I can't wait...

for a lot of things...

but mostly just one thing.

:)

oh the nebulousness...(which is quite a fun word to use)

I'M FIVE YEARS OLDER AND IN COLLEGE!!!!

Haha okay that was just a random quote from Teen Girl Squad way back in junior high days. Oh Mountain View...

I just have to say that I love blogging.

And sorry I've been negative. I actually felt semi-productive today. That's good.

Later I'll make a list of what I should do.