oh you came in with the breeze on Sunday morning...

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I hate feeling pathetic.

Other than that, the week is looking pretty good.

TMI?

My age group+my location of school+the culture of religion/school= a high probability of facebook friends who are pregnant.

Situation: Many pregnant women on facebook give the up-to-the-minute details of their labor process. (i.e. dilation, effacement, thinning of something?, baby positioning on the cervix, etc.)

Maybe I'll blame the TMI behavior on the high amount of hormones running through their bodies. Now before you all think I'm hating, I'm not. I am so interested in women's health issues. I want to work with an OB/GYN as a PA when I "grow up." Pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, reproduction, etc. does not bother me in the slightest. In fact, it's a beautiful and miraculous process the way our bodies work. Most people though get slightly offended/grossed out with these kind of updates. I think my programmed response is a little taken aback as well. But then I think, why do I have to be a slave to my culture's social conditioning to be offended at topics that should supposedly be kept quiet about? Why does pregnancy or menstruation have to be taboo? I'm not saying this so that girls will have a right to moan and complain all the time, but why can't women and men talk about there bodies in an objective way? Why can't people understand that various functions of our bodies can affect our moods and dispositions and it's okay to discuss it? Why can't I say vagina at a restaurant if I can say stomach or lungs or duodenum? (I did this once, and the reaction was not so friendly.)

The human body is not taboo!

It's amazing and beautiful and natural and mysterious.

And if somebody wants to post on facebook how their labor is progressing, then update away. I can handle it :)

Aphrodite of Provo

That is the sculpture I am attempting to create for Humanities 201. Why did I decide to mimic classical art when I have NO artistic ability? I'm not sure. I just like it I suppose. I remember when I was little being so mystified by the Venus de Milo figurine on my mom's dresser. It wasn't just the fact that she obviously had no arms. There was just something so sensual, yet a bit reserved about her demeanor and positioning. It was like she didn't know anyone was spying on her to sculpt this.

Anyway, now I have to recreate something similar. Blurg. (Which also reminds me that I miss 30 Rock. When are these Olympics going to be OVER??)

p.s. Life is just so good.

I really just love life right now

So I gave blood today. The receptionist was a little crabby. The interviewer kind of made an awkward, flirtacious comment toward me, and then said that his wife would love my shirt. (?) It is also important to mention that he didn't have a wedding ring... An older man took my blood, and forgot the steps and had to repeat them out loud to himself. (i.e. "okay now I clamp it, and what's next?, um, oh yeah...) He mentioned that he was tired, asked me the same question a fair few times, and fished around for my vein to maximize the flow rate, so I couldn't set a PR for filling a pint of blood, but--no fear--on April 22 I will try again. Needless to say, there were some sketchy workers taking my blood. They probably will sell it on the black market. Whatev, I got juice and cookies...for FREE.



[The company was the best part though :) ]

"Mary! Mary! Why ya buggin?"

I love Mary Blackburn!

Just had to post that to the world.

We discovered each other a year ago, when we realized we had the same classes, hopes, dreams, etc.

Mary is amazing. I love her.

"you're just stalling now"

So there is this rumba that I really like. It's Karina Smirnoff and Slavik Kryklyvyy (yeah, try saying that one...) in 2004. Youtube Karina and Slavik rumba, and it should be the first one. Anyway, the song is called "Cuando Te Beso." The song they dance to is instrumental, but there are actual lyrics to the song. When translated from Spanish to English, something is lost. The metaphors sound awkward, the language is a stretch, but it sounds beautiful in Spanish. My favorite line is: "cuando me besas se prenden todas las estrellas en la aurora"

"When you kiss me, all the stars are lit at dawn."

I can't wait for that feeling.

Maybe someday.

Tewsday

Today has been good.

I slept in until 11:00 (okay, not a regular thing, but I've been suffering from a bout of insomnia and late night dehydration lately, which has thrown my sleeping schedule through the ringer. This is always accompanied by anxiety, excitement, or stress.)

I went grocery shopping and was complimented for the healthy choices I made. I always wonder what the cashiers think I'm going to do with all that broccoli and spinach. I also found a cheaper brand of soy yogurt (the plain variety to which I'm becoming more accustomed.) My mom would be proud that I did the calculation in the store to see which was a better deal ounce for ounce. I also had a coupon for tempeh, and I indulged in some tofu dogs just for more protein variety.

I did my religion homework.

I talked to Ashley.

Now...I'm going to do some more homework. Maybe biochem and a write paper...

I love Tuesdays!

P.S. A random person occasionally comments on my posts in some Asian language of which I am not familiar. I'm just curious who you are...and how you found my blog...

When I found out how to spell subtle, it blew my mind

So, I realized that I am an embarrassingly obvious person when Brittany (long-time friend who goes to BYU-I) called and pretty much could pinpoint what was going on in my life based on my silly facebook status updates. And I thought I was being safe.

I should probably stop that girly language nonsense because I feel like I'm going to jinx all of the good things that are happening. I feel like when I'm craving jello, but there is no way to quickly satisfy the craving. It's like I just put it in the fridge to set, but I still have to wait four hours for it to be done, but it might turn out like Christmas when my mom made blue jello that I hadn't had in FOREVER and was so excited for because it made me feel nostalgic about old fourth grade birthday parties and what not and she accidently got the water ratio wrong so after hours and hours the blue jello never set and it was Christmas so everything including Walmart was closed and we couldn't buy more and it was the biggest let down.

And yes that was a ridiculous run-on sentence and the world's worst metaphor, but still oddly applicable.

Basically, Morrissey's lyrics have been in my mind all day. I've never connected with a song so much.

no words

great weekend.

life is just awesome.

really.

and what makes it most awesome is___________.

:)

that's all.

Revealing

Truth: I hold on to things for a long time. Like a looooooooong time. Not so much grudges--that's a waste of time, but if I had a falling out with someone it would probably take a long time for me to trust them again. No, I'm talking about good things mostly. Good times, favorite memories, bonding experiences, a smile, a compliment, a look...

Some things in my life feel like they happened yesterday, and it's getting my heart in trouble.

We'll see...we'll see...

and the bleeding continues...

I never preoccupy myself with money. I think it's a waste of time. Ideally, I would like to make enough one day to live comfortably. I guess everyone wants that.

True Story: (I don't know how to budget.)

This doesn't mean that I am frivolous by any means. I probably have been spending too much money going out to eat in my college experience. This isn't always my fault. It's hard having friends who are always having birthdays and what not. I'm not good at saying no. But, I have never planned out a hard core budget for my life. I've always just had this idea that there will be enough money for what I need.

Then reality sets in. I finally have to pay part of my tuition (thanks to the chem 352 class that plummeted my GPA...) Actually though, I have been very blessed to have had the tuition ride that I've had. I'm not complaining at all. I just realized that this spring/summer will drain my life savings.

Time to get a job.

I still believe that in the end, everything will work out. So I'm not that worried...yet.

I don't know what I knew before

Act II: Doubt creeps in from stage left.

Intellect, Common Sense, Occam's Razor, and Confidence all go on vacation at the exact same time. The only neighbor left is Doubt. I invite him in for (soy)milk and (vegan)cookies. I listen intently as he tells me of these grand analyzations of the people around me--old friends, new friends, acquaintances, interests... Hope, the little girl across the street wants to come join our little party, but Doubt, suave and debonair, hastly shews her away. He begins to blabber on as his charm hides his hiss. But his voice soon becomes soothing and oddly logical as he repeats reason after reason that I've heard before. We gossip for a bit about the people in my life because Doubt has none. He played it safe and ended up alone, but unhurt. He has convinced me in the path to stick with the status quo. He will never leave my side because I am the one person he will stay true to.

Dear Self-Doubt,

We need to break up. I'm tired of these games of second-guessing, over-analyzing, coming to aburd conclusions, keeping interests at bay, never indulging, and playing it safe. You have kept me from getting hurt, but you have also kept me from feeling anything.

So I guess this is goodbye.

Sincerely,
Tanya

see the luck... feels like lighting...wrapped around your finger

There is so much I want to write, but probably shouldn't at the moment due to the not-so-private setting of this blog.

Suffice it to say, The Smiths, David Gray, and The Cranberries all have something in common...

I feel like I'm so obvious.

Have a little faith in me

Dear You,

On [a certain day in the near past], you saved me in a small, but grand way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love,
Tanya

Love Actually...

...is all around.

This "Valentine's Day" post is a day late, but that's good because the point of this post is that the Valentine's Day is a a scam created by card companies and I don't conform to it, but we've all heard that before.

And before you think it, no, this isn't a self-involved rant from a bitter, single, feminist. That's cliche. And I don't do cliche.

In essence every day should be Valentine's Day just like every day should be Earth Day and Christmas and every other holiday that celebrates something special. Love has been cheaply reduced to chocolates and red roses and Twilight books when the fact of the matter is that Love is the most powerful thing on the earth. It binds us; it enraptures us; it devestates us; it hurts us. It gives us hope; it gives us meaning; it gives us purpose. It changes lives in small ways and large ways. It makes us wise and makes us senseless. But ultimately, I think love brings out the best in us. True love makes us selfless and concerned with other people. It solves any problem.

I have so many people I love in my life that I am so grateful for. As I continue in my life, I hope to more embody the love that Jesus Christ has for all of us. That is charity, the greatest love anyone can possess. If I could have that love, I would consider my life a success, even if everything else fails--that is how strong that love is.

soon soon

I just need this Bio Lab test to be over. I'm stressing out.

ld;asfkjdfj;alskjfdlakdjfkjd;lakjk

Hungry

I really want Indian food. Or Thai food. Or something that's not in my fridge.

But I have no one to go with. I even feel embarrassed to get take out by myself.

I'm pathetic.

I have mixed feelings about the biochem test I took today...

it is so quite a new thing

What is happening to the world??

I'm taking a break from biochem right now. Fascinating stuff. Really.

Midterms. Midterms. Midterms.

And biochem isn't the only thing I'm confused about.

This ain't no place for the weary kind

I said I would blog about Crazy Heart, so here it goes...

This movie was my favorite kind of movie. I like when movies take their time when appropriate for the subject matter. I like movies that examine life and are not always constrained following the old cliche plot that peaks and falls.

Crazy Heart is about a washed-up old country singer who drinks his demons away. He meets Jean, a young woman who initially just wanted an interview, but ends up developing a friendship and love. Yes, there is a significant age difference, but maybe that is one meaning of the title Crazy Heart. I wish there was a better way to say "love knows no age." I think this movie showed that all people from all walks of life can create intimate connections with one another. Before you think it, this movie is not cliche, but it is not depressing just to avoid being cliche. And I like that. It's optimistic in a refreshingly realistic way.

You probably won't enjoy this movie if you're just looking for something to entertain you. Yes, that is one reason to watch movies, but that is not my only reason, and it is certainly not my priority when I watch movies. Crazy Heart requires you to feel what the characters feel. You ultimately leave evaluating yourself and what you want to live for and how you want your life to be and how you are going to look at people differently and how you are going to develop relationships.

It's just a beautiful movie.

Crazy Heart

Good movie.

I'm just in awe.

It's late right now, but I'll blog about it later.

It made me actually like real country music.

But that's not the point of the movie at all.

Great writing. Great acting. Great cinematography.

Phenomenal Movie...which is very refreshing these days.

warning sign

So the morningside wasn't that bad. But did we really need to watch a 15 min video about the dance program afterward? Come on, we already like dancing--I think that's been established.

I found out today that I've been the most dense MMBio 241 student ever. blurg...

I don't really know what's going on in my life.

Biochem time!!

morningside=euphemism

and we all know who also used euphemisms.....Third Reich anyone?

What is this morningside business??? Really? Yes, my sleep is more important than anything dance people have to say. I'm not really awake to let anything sink in anyway. Why not make them at midnight? I'm sure everyone is awake then.

blah, blah, blah

Juno

"I don't really know what kind of girl I am."

True.

Sometimes, I just don't know what I want. And I feel weird in my own skin.

Hopefully in a little bit, this will all be okay.

oh yes the daytime...of the night

I love Flight of the Conchords.

Check it out.