A frequent comment/question I get

Friend: "Can I ask you a weird question?"

Me: "Yeah sure"

Friend: "Are you white??"

Another instance: While discussing heritage and discovering that I'm purely anglo-saxon, Claire says, "I could have sworn from the bottom you were Puerto Rican!"

Another instance: My Spanish teacher said to me more than once how much I looked of Argentine descent/like his wife (uhhhh....)

The point is, a lot of people think I have Hispanic blood in me, but the truth is that I'm just a boring Western European mutt. If I wasn't the spitting image of my mother with my dad's knack for numbers, I might actually question whether I was adopted.

I feel it all

"I don't know what I knew before."

Love me some Feist.

But seriously...

foolish

Dear Tanya,

Remember me? I used to help you avoid situations like these. I know the obvious answer. You should listen to me.

Love,

The Left Side of Your Brain

Lie to Me

If you haven't heard of the show Lie to Me, it's pretty awesome. But you know me; I always love a good crime drama with a twist. It follows a man who helps solve crimes based on his expertise in reading people's facial expressions and interpreting their emotions. I love it.

It makes me want to be radically honest.

feet

Dancing is really wonderful and all, but if effs up your feet.

Not only do they crack and bleed and blister and ache, but they are generally deformed by the scarring and callousing of these maladies. I dread sandal season when I have to reveal the monsters in their full gnarly glory. I guess that is the one good thing about winter.

Foot fetishists beware. It will never work out between us.

word to the wise

As you all may or may not know, I am a gum connoisseur.

Just know that if gum is on sale, it probably means that it's old and going stale--especially when it's from a more independently owned store. I learned this the hard way (literally).

Happy Thursday everyone! Go Cougars!

haha

I wish I knew who really read this thing because I'm guessing it's slightly more than those sixteen squares in the corner.

Sometimes I'm weary of what I post, but if I really have to get something off my chest, that's what my journal is for!

Suffice it to say, I hate when all my cards are on the table. I feel like a beginner without the luck. Meh, I was never good at poker anyway.

Cheers to the girl who puts all her eggs in one basket!

btw

I don't mean for all my posts lately to sound moody or melodramatic.

Life is actually pretty good. My over-analyzing brain has just been on a roller coaster for the last couple of days. It's all part of the game, I suppose.

:)

tryouts

I had tryouts today for dance to see who will be moved up to higher teams. There's nothing like looking like a Latin diva at 6 a.m.

I think it went well though. But Part II is on Thursday, so I better not speak too soon.

I'm used to tryouts though. I've been doing it for awhile. And the thing is, it's never about a one time dance in front of your instructors. We've been "trying out" all year essentially. As a dancer I have gotten used to this idea that I'm always being watched, always trying out. You can't have a bad day or a mess up or a do-over.

Sometimes I feel like this concept applies to my life in more ways than one.

note to self

Dear Tanya,

Stop being such a stupid girl.

Love,

The left side of your brain

lost in translation

Oh well. I can take a hint.

Then I just listen to a really dumb 90's song (that I'm too embarrassed to even post here) and I watch that "Expectations vs. Reality" Scene from (500) Days of Summer.

And I feel a little more...understood perhaps?

disabled

Whenever there is someone with a disability, I have an overwhelming urge to stare. I don't know what it is; I'm just so curious about how they feel about life. A lot of times they are just going on their way like normal people, and I wonder if they are bothered by the fact that they have one arm or a diminutive height or a wheel chair. I'm socially competent enough to know not to stare, but sometimes I just wish I could people watch without the social stigma.

Today I saw a blind person walking with his special cane, and I thought how nice it was that I could stare, and he wouldn't know.

Isn't that terrible?

rain

I know this is my third post today, but I just have a lot of random thoughts. Oh yeah, and this is my blog anyway.

It's raining in Utah. It always feels a little weird and out of place, and it makes the air smell like a hamster cage because we live in the grimy valley. And you know what? I hate the rain! That's right I said it. Here I am, a proud Washington native, betraying my land's most notorious characteristic. Except I didn't hate the rain in Washington. That's because in Utah, I have to get practically everywhere by foot--meaning I'm cold and wet all the time. I don't care what you rain lovers say, no one honestly enjoys that.

The only time rain is tolerable is when you're running through it because it increases your bad-A factor by 10.

OR the rain is also delightful when you're listening to the soft pattering from inside your house/apartment...in your pajamas...with hot chocolate...and possibly a spooning partner.

Yeah, definitely a spooning partner.

prioritizing

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future and where I am going in life. This is a terrible time for the Queen of Indecision (me).

BUT, here is a simple list of what is most important to me just so I don't lose my head in all this future, grown-up stuff.

1. God and Jesus Christ

2. Relationships (family, friends, etc.)

3. Knowledge/ learning/ school

4. Dance

In that order. So if I had to choose between a 2nd rate career with a family or a 1st rate career being single, I would choose the first option. Or I'd rather be single with a deep relationship with God, than have a boyfriend without God in the picture. You get the idea.

Ideally, all of these things will fall into perfect harmony. If not, I have a list to remind me. :)

official

So it looks like that last floating religion credit that I had somewhere is finally being transferred to BYU.

So I will officially graduate for real. In a month. From college.

OMG.

mute

whenever I like someone, I get:

shy

nervous

awkward

fidgety

boring

quiet

I promise that I'm actually kind of cool though.

dancesport recap

So dancesport was actually pretty successful this weekend. Okay, ballroom (standard) was kind of sucky, even though I love my dress, but I don't feel too bad because I didn't put in a lot of practice for it. However, my latin partner and I made semifinals in pre-champ and novice. (Pre-champ is a higher level for people not familiar with ballroom terms.) I seriously wasn't even planning on making a round in pre-champ. After the quarter final, my partner even changed because we were certain that we didn't make it to the next round. Let me tell you though, it is so incredible looking up at the screen and seeing your little number in black and white. The other thing is that making a round gets exponentially harder because every round is cut down by half every time. Every time you dance again, your competition is more concentrated with advanced dancers.

Thanks to Allison for capturing this photo. I don't love my profile (because I hate my nose), but I really love the essence of this picture because it seems so still and quiet in a place that was definitely the opposite. For some reason, I just really resonate with the feeling this photo gives me.

Anyway, it was the best Dancesport I've competed thus far at BYU. And I'm not saying that I'm this super awesome dancer, but the reason my partner and I did well is because we worked really hard. Thank you 6 am-8 am rehearsals every. single. day; and our doubles on Fridays and Saturdays.

low

Dear World,

Watch out because I can be a really mean person sometimes--especially to people who don't deserve it.

--Tanya

isn't it romantic?

So I'm sitting in class (on the floor because people don't understand the concept of moving in to leave the aisle seats clear.) I'm a good 5 ft away from this guy sitting on the aisle seat, and all of the sudden he turns and reaches to offer me a piece of chocolate.

??

Might I add that this was a high quality German brand of chocolate with a strawberry filling. I was a bit confused by this gesture, but maybe he felt a connection since at the beginning of class he gave a nod to the fact that I was eating a spinach salad and he was eating bell peppers. A fellow vegetable enthusiast I see...

Anyway, I guess only at BYU can you accept treats from strangers.

nationals

So. Much. To. Do.

It's not even funny. BUT, the tender mercy of the day is that my evolutionary biology test is now next Friday instead of this Friday. Luckily, most of my stuff needs to be done by Wednesday anyway, then I can live at the Marriot Center all weekend. Hello fake tan, nails, eyelashes, hairspray, gel, hairspray, rhinestones, hairspray...can't wait!!

(BTW: X-10.5 today. I reached my first goal for Nationals!)

career center

This is me writing about how good I am at writing. But really.

English classes have always been subjective. I never had much confidence in my writing skills because of this inconsistent system. I've always loved the subject, but it wasn't like math. Math, I knew I was good at because I could get a right answer to prove it. However, despite my lack of confidence in the subject, I still performed fairly well throughout high school in my English classes (which I guess isn't saying much because, you know, it's high school...)

Then I came to college expecting to get totally trashed when I turned in papers, but those were always fairly successful as well. In fact, one time I got a 101/100 on an anthropology paper--I still don't know how that's possible.

So today I brought a cover letter into the Career Advisement Center to be checked and critiqued since I'm an adult applying for jobs and future-y things (say what??). Again, I was expecting them to really tear me apart for my lack of skill. And again, I was surprised that I didn't actually have to change that much. The lady actually complimented me on how well-written it was.

Before you think I'm full of myself, this is the conclusion I came to. I'm not necessarily a brilliant writer--especially when it comes to creative writing; every attempt is a massive train wreck of cliches and melodrama, and it's just baaaaad. But dang, I can follow a prompt! This is why college papers have always turned out to be successful endeavors for me. My anthropology professor would have to give lectures on what a thesis is (because some people are inept), and I would be thinking, "Really? Are we really discussing this?" Just follow the directions people! When a prompt tells me to discuss A, B, and C, I just do it. When a mock cover letter tells me to mention this, this, and this, I just do it.

If there is one thing I learned from AP English, it is to FOLLOW THE PROMPT. Thank you Mrs. Baker/Ms. Bullo.