pathetic

I'm really sensitive. Like extremely sensitive. If I could quantify how sensitive I am, it would be embarrassing. Sometimes I debate how personal to get on this blog. I've decided that it's one thing to get personal on facebook where it is shoved in people's faces through their news feed, and it is another thing to get personal on my blog. You specifically came here to read about me or the random experiences that come up in my life. So that is how I reconcile what I put on here sometimes.

Anyway, as part of my uber-sensitivity, there comes: The Over-Analyzation--again to the extreme. It often helps when I have friends like M or J tell me, "Tanya, you need to calm down."

I'm going back to my motto which is to "buck up." I may not be able to help the fact that I overreact in my mind way too dramatically, but with practice, I can change my attitude and subsequent actions.

Blah. I feel like I need a case in point. So here you go:

So maybe I tentatively like someone in one of my classes--not a huge, all-out crush; it's just the possibility. Anyway, after changing my outlook on dating the other day and resolving to not be so passive and put myself out there a little more, I forgot that putting yourself out there more comes with the greater risk of you not being received so well (and by "you," I mean me). I maybe spent too much time picking out something to wear (which in the end, didn't come together as I thought it would). I maybe spent way more time than my normal 15 minute get-ready routine. I maybe spent too long in front of the mirror fixing and primping and redoing and posing and planning and adjusting and dabbing and criticizing ohgoshwhydoesmyfacehavetolooklikemyfacewhyamInotprettierIlooksohaggardwhatdoIlooklikefromthebackIcantpulloffthishairmyfaceisfatthisoutfitisstupidthiskidisprobablyoutofyourleagueanywaywhyareyoubeingsoridiculous

And in the end, this kid ignored me.

I felt like Tom in "expectations vs. reality" scene in 500 Days of Summer. That scene actually resonates a lot with me in more than one instance.

As I walked home, I thought, I'm a stupid, stupid girl.

Now this may be part of my nature to get really down about something insignificant, but when I got home, I put on my running shoes, ran out the bad energy, and came to this conclusion: I'm still fabulous, even if no one else knows it.