Fish

Disclaimer: I am not dating anyone right now, so this is not based on anyone in particular or my current situation. This is just an opinion I've had for a long time, and I'm just posting it in cyberworld.

The dilemma: I absolutely despise and disagree with the "fish in the sea" theory of dating. It is used when people break up, and a well meaning friend says, "well, there are plenty of fish in the sea..." (Like that even helps?!?) It is also used to give advice on how to date. Many people support the idea that you have to date a lot of people--like they are fish in the sea--in order to really find the one you want to be with. Sometimes when people are afraid of commitment, their excuse is, "I feel like I just haven't dated enough..."

People are people--not fish. They are individual and without a heirarchy system. Some people think this incessant "shopping around" is to ensure you get the "best deal," so to speak. That's borderline pathetic. Sometimes people are just naively led astray to believe this actually works, so I only kind of blame them for not thinking for themselves.

A possible solution: Appreciate people for the unique people they are. If you have this "shopping around" mentality, nothing will ever seem good enough. When do you stop? How do you know something better isn't still out there? Is this the best you can do? ???!!!! This only inspires insecurity in your abilities and your (insert romantic partner label here).

Of course I agree with moderate dating and having fun and meeting people. But when your intent is to find the best one out there, I think you're going about it all wrong. Life is about creating not finding or stumbling upon. If you want a relationship, create it. If you want friendship, create it. If you want love, create it. Love is a choice. I don't really believe that people fall in love without their own consent. You choose to love people because love is more of an action than a feeling. When two people realize that they are compatible in the important areas, it's up to them to create the rest and make it work. Some people fear that one day they will wake up and just not be in love with their certain person anymore. This is where my mentality is helpful. You create the love between you two. If it is something you just "find" one day, you'll have this fear that it will be gone just as quickly as you supposedly found it. If you want a relationship to work out, it all depends on the effort and nurturing you give to it. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule; people can change significantly;circumstances can turn a relationship sour, etc. But for the most part, you create what you want to have.

In my life, I don't feel this intense urge to date as many people as possible before I get married. I appreciate the dating experiences I've had; the numbers are not astronomical, but I've met some really worthwhile people in the process. When I start to date someone I feel compatible with, I believe I can feel fulfilled and create a relationship even though I haven't dated every single person at BYU to know if that person is "the one."

Bottom line: You are in charge of the love you have in your life because you create it. I think I've drilled that point enough...