life or something like it

I know I haven't been doing the college thing for very long, but since my status is "junior" technically, I start to get excited and want to be done reallllly soon. I'm trying to figure out how things are going to work out for the next couple semesters and it's a lot tougher than I thought. Maybe I'll be here awhile. I really hope I picked the right major. I kind of have to go to grad school now, which isn't a bad thing....I just get scared I won't get in and then what? All I really want to do is work in women's health as a physician's assistant. I just think women's bodies are so amazing (no offense to the males), and I would always be happy in that career. Then come the what ifs. What if I don't get into a school? What if I can't afford it? What if I need A LOT more work hours and end up working for a couple years before getting in? Then what if I don't want to go to school anymore? I don't even want to get into the marriage dilemma because based on a statistical analysis of previous dating experiences and the fact that I'm a "radical" vegan combined with the extremely low number of males that have an open mind and can hold a stimulating conversation and other such variables--now I'm no statitician--but odds are I'm going to be a cat lady or a nun. I guess I've got options. Well maybe I should just sleep on things tonight.

Life is still beautiful.

And physics is the spawn of satan. I don't know why they allow it at BYU.

Walking for an hour each way makes you think

I missed my sister today. She's serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Guatemala. I know she's supposed to be there and help people feel God's love for them. I just want her here sometimes. I miss running across campus to get to her house. I miss escaping for a day, a weekend, or sometimes a week... I'm not a moocher. It makes me feel uncomfortable and burdensome, but Monica never got mad when I ate her food or wore her clothes. Growing up, we had times when we were really distant and in two very different stages of our lives. I never understood what my mom meant when she said we should be best friends with our brothers and sisters because they will always be there. I know what she means now. I miss my brothers too. Some of my favorite, vivid memories are in the backyard playing power rangers, captain planet, spiderman, batman, and every other super hero imaginable. I realize that Scott is going to go on a mission soon, and then maybe me, and then Todd... Then people are going to go to college, get married, get jobs, move away. Sometimes it just feel like I'm at a really long summer camp or something, and when I come home, things are just where they left off. But they aren't. I realize that I am past that stage of my life, but sometimes I don't like it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't take family for granted. Even though we won't live in the same house again, and we'll each go our own directions, my family will always be an anchor for me. I love them more than words express.

A person who will probably never read this

To the girl with the sad brown eyes:

I know we don't know each other that well. And I used to think I couldn't connect with you, but it wasn't really you. It was your decoy that you wear on the outside. I looked you in the eye the other day, and I saw pain; I saw nights of tears; I saw fear of where your life is going to go; I saw hopelessness; I saw embarrassment for what you're dealing with. I just want to tell you that you're not alone. God loves you, and he'll help you get through this. I hope you are able to find joy--big or small--every day of your life. I'll probably never see you in the future, but I hope it is filled with friendship and love.

Antisocial

I'm really not though. I love people. I love meeting new people--in my own time. By nature, I'm shy. I'll always feel shy. I'm never the center of attention in a group setting, nor do I want to be. I find that I listen more than I talk sometimes. I like groups of close friends rather than crazy parties where I don't know anyone. I like the personal. Moving away and going to college and having your sister leave you by yourself kind of forces you to get out of your comfort zone a bit. I don't like going to new things all the time though because then you just stay at square one with everybody, which isn't very fulfilling. I'm not a recluse though. I like meeting new people and then having those new people become old people. We tend to put a negative connotation on the word "old," but I don't. Old to me means comfortable, familiar, warm. It's nights like these where I miss the "old" people. The people I could just run over to their house unexpectedly or call randomly. I think more than liking people, I like connecting with people. I like conversations that mean something. I like learning more about people--their dreams, their strengths, their vulnerabilities, their ticks, their quirks, their secrets.

With that said...I guess I'm staying home tonight. I took a bloody physics test for four hours today and am utterly brain dead. Maybe I'll clean or something. I hope everyone is having a better Friday!

peace out.

Introduction

This is the part where I give a little intro. It's kind of like when you go to the Nutcracker (or any ballet/opera for that matter) and you sit there with the curtains down, and the overture keeps going on and on. You just want to get to the action. Nevertheless it is necessary, or else things wouldn't make sense. So if you're patient, I'll eventually get to the good stuff.

Why am I blogging? I don't really know. It kind of spawned from a random thought. I realized I was blogging in my head today, and I thought, "you know, I should really write these thoughts down." Why not online for the whole world to see? Though I doubt that. I do not promise to be a regular blogger or to confess my heart's desire on here. This is just a place for me to express simple thoughts, deep thoughts, musings, questions, ponderings, whatever fleeting thing crosses my mind.

So...you probably know me. Then again maybe not. I'm curious to know who you are. If you're brave enough, leave a comment. I think it's funny how bloggers write as if no one is reading but really know people may be reading and readers read but don't really let the people know they're reading and so they pretend that they are not reading the things not meant but really meant to be read. Because that would be weird right?

Anyway, my life doesn't equal my blog, but you may find out a thing or two you didn't know before. I hope I can just make people think or connect or laugh or smile or question or anything.... I guess that is my goal--for now.

Good night :)

A start of something new?

Hi.

I have a blog now. This could be interesting.