Bitter

So I realized today that of my close friends, I have no single girl friends left. Actually Matt and Cory are the only single friends I have left at all (in Utah).

I'm not bitter that I don't have a relationship. I'm bitter because I wish everyone was single like the good ol' days, which means there was stuff to do.

Now being single really means single--as in alone, by myself, watching Psych or 30 Rock or some other show and/or doing homework.

Most people don't know what it is truly like to be single.

Meatless

I get so excited when I watch my vegan cooking shows! It's been awhile since I watched them, but when I go home, it's going to be a party.

Things to make: "Turkey" seitan, vegan gravy, pigs in a blanket with veggie dogs, vegan mashed potatoes, etc. The possibilities are endless.

I'm already getting jittery. I love to cook; I just don't do it at college for lack of time and resources. When I go home for Christmas though, I'm going to have a ball. Vegan cooking and modifying old favorite recipes is one of my favorite things in this world!

It's a vegan revival kind of day.

not cynical

I think it's interesting that around this Thxgiving (ha) time, I have a lot of female friends that gush on facebook/blogs how they are so thankful for their boyfriend/fiance/husband/wedding/marriage and things of the like. Conversely, I have seen no males reciprocate these sentiments.

Curious...

Bendiciones

What would Thanksgiving be without a Thanksgiving blog post?

Here we go:
God, Jesus Christ, and His gospel: it is why I am who I am.
Family: Loving parents that pray for me everyday, an older sister that has always looked out for me, a brother that shares the middle sibling plague and who is faithfully serving a mission, another brother who is charismatic and thinks he is so gangsta. You guys are the best famn damily ever! Thanks for the memories!
Friends: Old ones who have always been there, new ones with whom to learn and grow. Lauren, Brittany, Ashley, Katie, Mary, Matt, Adam, and Cory: Thank you for your friendship. You have all had some of the greatest impacts on my life.
The friends not listed: I feel like I meet so many interesting and inspiring people all the time. Thanks to you as well.
Science: it's just awesome.
Art: it makes life beautiful.
Dance: It makes me laugh and cry and scream and cheer, but it makes me keep me fighting and working hard.
Movies: They prevent me from completely dying from boredom.
Music: always faithful
America: I still believe in the principles for which you stand.

In reality, I'm thankful for everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. The ability to live and experience is really what matters. And I'm thankful for everything that touches my life and ultimately makes me a deeper human being.

oye vey

So much food this weekend. I feel a bit guilty considering I probably could have fed all of Africa with my feasting, but sometimes, I just can't help myself. Or maybe it's I don't want to help myself.

Fact: I can eat. Like REALLY eat. I may pretend to not be hungry or eat like a bird at times, but the truth is I am almost always hungry, and even if I am not, I can probably still make room. I come from a large extended family that loves to eat. Food is central to all of our gatherings. Also, when I was growing up, it was a really special occasion to go out to a restaurant. Our family always went to Old Country Buffet (don't judge) for every birthday. This was partly due to the fact that you could satisfy picky children that didn't have patience to wait for food to be brought to them, and it was more economic for a family of six with a limited income. I also had a mother who was an excellent cook. So from an early age, I learned how to eat a lot and how to appreciate quality, home-cooked meals. I also eat really fast, which sometimes tricks my stomach into thinking it is still hungry. In reality it is just catching up to my impatience. I also feel weird leaving food on my plate. I either have to save it for later or just finish it all right there. I can't stand just throwing food away.

Sometimes I regret having this habit, okay maybe more than sometimes--okay maybe like all the time. It's kind of embarrassing especially when someone points it out. One time a sister of a roommate said out of the blue, "wow, you are always eating."

It's a habit that I'm trying to...tweak. I think it's good having a healthy appetite and not wasting food, but the purpose of eating should be to sustain my physiologic demands--no more, no less.

It's a work in progress I guess.

In a yellow wood

Getting married sounds really foreign to me. Honestly. I know you may be thinking that deep down I'm really desperate and masking this desperation by nonchalant apathy towards the subject.

But really. When I think of me married, it just doesn't seem to fit. Love and romance just aren't my game.

I've just been thinking about this because lately it seems all of my friends have been getting married. I think when I was younger, I would fantasize about getting married because at 12 that's what you think you're supposed to expect will happen. Then you approach that age range where it can potentially happen to you, and it suddenly doesn't fit in your plan anymore. You realize more and more that maybe you are not cut out for that life pathway. Maybe there are so many things you can do without it. Maybe Robert Frost was right.


"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

p.s. I don't mean for all my posts to sounds depressing. I'm actually pretty okay with life right now. I just miss my friends that disappear because of marriage. It kind of sucks being replaced, but that's life.

space

It's Tuesday night of Thanksgiving break, and I'm already bored. I don't know what to do with myself without an impending test or paper. I guess I could actually get ahead on my work. Now that would be a novel idea.

I went with a [male] friend to see Harry Potter. I guess I couldn't wait for the dollar theater. It's really nice to watch a movie with someone and not have to analyze your positioning or hand-holding signals. I was never really good at that anyway. It's nice to just be friends with people. No pressure. No miscommunication. No drama.

But as we walked through the mall afterward, (because my sister had to pick us up like we were back in junior high--the joys of being vehicle-less) he said something along the lines of how boys judge/critique other boys based on the girl with which they are accompanied. Cue overanalyzation: Are you slightly embarrassed to be walking with me because people might assume you are dating me? (and I'm definitely not a girl you would date, I know that...) The thought just crossed my mind, as these types of thoughts are wont to do. I just never want people to think I'm trying to pull something that I'm not trying to pull.

This also makes me think of the fact that people have a hard time accepting the reality of platonic relationships between males and females. I hung out with one of my best friends, Matt, all summer. However, I was questioned all summer whether we were dating or if "something was going on." People evidently trust traditional archetypes of friendship over obvious body language. If people watched our interaction, they would find nothing to suggest romantic attraction. We just have fun and joke around and have each other's backs. And I treat him the same as Adam and Cory because we are all equally good friends; they just weren't here this summer.

That was a tangent, but whatever. This is my blog.