Karma is sometimes kind

Guess what? I found a $20 bill in almost the exact spot I wiped out yesterday. It was folded very thinly and blended in the sidewalk quite well because most people walked right past it. I'm glad I took a double take. One up for low self-esteemers or the overly paranoid of ice who look down when they walk! (I was of course the latter.)

I know it's probably really annoying to read when other people get lucky. But this seriously never happens to me. (I know they say that too.) I was, however, unlucky in other (more meaningful) aspects of life today, so I'm not going to feel too bad for this one.

Wendover!

To start in the middle of a story, I was in the parking lot of a casino as my gambling friend Matt tried to take a picture of me. I dodged the situation because I was too embarrassed to post it all over facebook, which typically happens with these kinds of trips. A couple days later Matt told me I needed to come out of the gambling closet. So since there is no photo evidence of me, this is my cyber-coming out. I went to Wendover, as trashy as it sounds, played some Blackjack, as sinful as it sounds, and had a damn good time, as unlike me as that sounds.

So I turned 21 in May, but I never got to do anything to celebrate my 21-ness. About a month ago, my two friends Matt and Matt were talking about Wendover, and I expressed desire to go, which apparently is a surprising thing to find in the Provo bubble.

We let the idea simmer, and then one Friday night I found myself driving to Wendover. I don't even know how it really happened.

Net Ionic Equation of the trip (gah, too much chemistry on the brain): I had a lot of fun, but was probably a little too intense about my excitement being a first-timer that was wired on caffeine, sleep-deprived, loopy, and all. Poor Matt to have to deal with that.

The Good: I did something new, and I got to know someone a little better in the process.
The Bad: Okay, maybe I lost some money, but it was nothing that I wasn't planning on losing anyway.
The Ugly: The dealer was a jerk and half. It was my first time! Give me a break for touching the cards with both hands. And don't call me "honey." It's creepy and condescending. I have a problem with arbitrary rules for which I don't understand the basis.

I also learned that people at casinos take themselves way too seriously. Lighten up people!

Because of my bad blackjack experience with the dealer, I came home obsessed with the game. I kind of seriously want to learn how to count cards and basically be a blackjack ninja. I've already started... It's actually quite intense.

Layers

I originally wrote this in my journal, where the personal things go, but I decided to copy it over to here. So if you care to see deeper into my soul, here you go (although I still probably kept it vague enough for a blog):

This morning I had a moment of divine clarity. Thank you, God. I realized that I don’t always like people. I know we should love people, and I think I went through the motions of that for most of my life, but I was quick to judge and criticize, which is detrimental even when done internally. I came to the realization that I didn’t like people when I saw them reflecting my faults and shameful qualities back in my face; it made me want to hide in self-hate, rather than fix it, work it out, change for the better--because this all required discipline and divine help. Has every day of my life been this depressing? No. But this way of thinking has gone on too long in my life. It has impeded a lot of my growth and development into becoming someone of whom I can be proud. Today I was sitting with a group of people with whom I do not normally interact. They were of all ages and paths in life. I heard different people talking, and I was amazed at their insight and wisdom. I was amazed at their dedication and acceptance. Then I realized that I loved these people individually for the whole person each one is, even though we are all a little rough around the edges. It was a brilliant feeling--the light and peace that I was filled with once I had dispelled negativity and pessimism. I felt truly happy. I was able to experience a thread of the love God has for each of His children.

Today I comprehended the meaning of serenity, and it was beautiful.

A brand new day

Not everything is turning out, but some things are.

I got the research position for which I applied. I got the acceptance email yesterday after stressing about it for weeks, so thanks. Now I don't have to worry about not graduating.

I got a scholarship for next fall/winter--not a full, but anything helps. (It's that bloody C in o-chem from the summer...why did I stop caring??) In the grand scheme of things, I have saved $15,000 of tuition. I'd say paying only an approximate total of $3000 for a college tuition is not too much to ask.

I found a ballroom partner who actually wants to practice. And I'm taking a technique class again...finally. No, I didn't move up for next year, but that's my fault. I didn't put the time in to work for it. But guess what? I still love dancing. Take that.

Now...I need to:

Get on the CNA bandwagon. (I started studying for once. baby steps, baby steps...)
Run more/get in shape for summer.
Start preparing thinking about life after BYU, which seems to be impending sooner everyday. This means making preparations for PA or graduate school. April 2011 is coming too soon and not soon enough. Yikes!

so I woke up this morning...

...after getting 12.5 hours of sleep.

How glorious. So I'm going to start studying for biochem, do my religion homework, go to a review, read for Spanish.

I need a job. That should be on the front burner.

And I need a research opportunity this spring/summer!!!

That's all.