you heard it here first

I have a lot of time to dream up random things.

My latest: I want to do stand-up comedy (like, once--not as a life career.)

When I'm home by myself, I find myself turning everything into a joke. And then I imagine how I would tell it in front of an audience. I may or may not have even practiced in front of a mirror. (Gosh, I need to get out of here....)

Anyway, maybe when I'm a grad student, I'll try out for my school's stand up comedy troupe or entertain a church party.

Note to self: This could all go horrible awry...and leave me crying in shame. But I could check it off the bucket list!

I guess it's that time again

I have started not believing in New Year's Resolutions because I believe you can change whenever you want to change. This just happens to be a time in my life where I want to change (which may be slightly socially induced).

A couple of goals:
Health/Physical:
-Maintain a habit of running
-lose some vanity weight
-work on flexibility
- eat less flour and sugar
-eat more vegetables

Dance:
-Make a semifinal
-be able to do a clean triple spin
-utilize my practice hours better

Academic:
-Get a 4.0 to close the year
-Get involved with a research project
-Get into grad school
-Speak in Spanish more often

Financial:
-Get a job
-Keep track of the money I spend
-Stick to a budget

Personal
-Put myself together more often
-More diligent prayer and scripture study
-Love myself
-Be myself

Social:
-Get out of my comfort zone
-Make a new friend


I should stop before I get carried away.

Basically my motto for this year (with the help of Lauren) is something to the effect of "Buck up!"--meaning take some responsibilty for my life. I get tired of seeing people throw their lives away or listening to people complain or blame every misfortune on some outer working force. Take responsibility for your life! Only YOU can make yourself happy. Only YOU can give yourself validation. I realized it's easy to sink into this state of apathy and fatalism, but it's passe' and pathetic. I'm going to be happy and motivated this year by my own efforts. I believe that God can most ready help us and make us something more when we have this attitude. We are also more able to help others when we get outside of ourselves. Choice-induced depression* and self-pity and self-loathing all create a dangerous vortex leading to egocentrism. We become blinded to everything beautiful around us, and our lives become meaningless and directionless.

And I am personally fed up with it. It's time for change. Happy 2011!

*(I believe there are multiple causes of depression. I thoroughly believe that there are uncontrollable, brain chemical causes, and there is no shame in getting help for that. I also believe that we can cause these same symptoms through poor choices. I will eleaborate on this later, but I didn't want you all to think that I don't believe in the seriousness of mental illness.)

Wendover!

To start in the middle of a story, I was in the parking lot of a casino as my gambling friend Matt tried to take a picture of me. I dodged the situation because I was too embarrassed to post it all over facebook, which typically happens with these kinds of trips. A couple days later Matt told me I needed to come out of the gambling closet. So since there is no photo evidence of me, this is my cyber-coming out. I went to Wendover, as trashy as it sounds, played some Blackjack, as sinful as it sounds, and had a damn good time, as unlike me as that sounds.

So I turned 21 in May, but I never got to do anything to celebrate my 21-ness. About a month ago, my two friends Matt and Matt were talking about Wendover, and I expressed desire to go, which apparently is a surprising thing to find in the Provo bubble.

We let the idea simmer, and then one Friday night I found myself driving to Wendover. I don't even know how it really happened.

Net Ionic Equation of the trip (gah, too much chemistry on the brain): I had a lot of fun, but was probably a little too intense about my excitement being a first-timer that was wired on caffeine, sleep-deprived, loopy, and all. Poor Matt to have to deal with that.

The Good: I did something new, and I got to know someone a little better in the process.
The Bad: Okay, maybe I lost some money, but it was nothing that I wasn't planning on losing anyway.
The Ugly: The dealer was a jerk and half. It was my first time! Give me a break for touching the cards with both hands. And don't call me "honey." It's creepy and condescending. I have a problem with arbitrary rules for which I don't understand the basis.

I also learned that people at casinos take themselves way too seriously. Lighten up people!

Because of my bad blackjack experience with the dealer, I came home obsessed with the game. I kind of seriously want to learn how to count cards and basically be a blackjack ninja. I've already started... It's actually quite intense.

Summer Goals

The summer is still young I feel like, so here it goes:

-Become more flexible (so I can execute that paso opening and other dance figures)
-Become a CNA--or at least take the test
-Get a ballroom tan
-Lose 10 more pounds
-Be able to run 10 miles
-Get more fit in general
-Read and understand my Spanish Literature
-Get an A in chemistry
-Master my competition routines
-Develop more balance and ankle strength

That's all for now!

Pilgrim

I've been evaluating where I am at, and it's just okay. I haven't felt really positive about my progress as a human being, so I decided to make some changes. They are kind of like mid-year resolutions. I realized that I am in control of my happiness, so here is what I can do about it.



Things I need to do every day to stay sane and happy:


-Pray in the morning and night and whenever necessary in between
-Read my scriptures
-Do homework or some responsibility to feel accomplished
-Abstain from my personal vices
-Some form of exercise
-Have a feeling of gratitude
-Meditate
-Help someone in some way
-Have a clean room


I don’t want this list to get too long because then I will not do all of these things. Today I am making a goal to do these things every day. I am only going to check facebook and fun websites one to two times a week and give myself a half hour increment of time. I’m going to employ my time more wisely during the week. I really want to be successful this time.

Be sure to wear a flower in your hair

Sometimes all I want to do is move to San Francisco, ride a bike all around town, live in a small loft apartment, be a hippie-vegan, have dreads in my hair, shop at second-hand stores, and enjoy the sunshine everyday.

Honestly, that would be the life.

New Years Resolutions

I actually want to achieve something this year.

1. Get a 4.0...ambitious much?
2. Read BEFORE class
3. Pretty much be like Beth
4. Read my scriptures daily
5. Pray morning and night
6. Make my drivers license correct again...
7. Complete a half-marathon and maybe a full...
8. Practice dance more. Make a gold class.
9. Stop biting my nails.
10. Think of others more often.
11. Make a new friend or two.


I know a lot of these are vague, but I feel like I have been stagnant for awhile in my progress of becoming a better person. I want to live a better quality of life, and I feel like I have a lot of opportunity that I don't take advantage of, so 2009 is my year.

Ready. Set. Go.

The irony of it all

I'm going to be more...focused. (As I write this in the process of distraction.)

I'm going to set aside time for homework.
I'm going to be on top of things.
I'm going to study for tests.
I'm going to practice dance.
I'm going to make to-do lists.
I'm going to regain that self-discipline I once had...not too many moons ago.
What happened?