So many decisions...

Here's what is racing through my mind:
spanish grad school GRE PhD professor mission dance dance dance BYU east coast washington moving back home how long PA school CNA clinical experience job living rent research teaching study abroad

So many many things from which to choose...

In a nut shell, I love science, spanish, and dance.

I'm starting to lean towards staying at BYU to do graduate work. Then I could at least keep two, maybe three, of the things that I love.

The fact that I'm even leaning somewhere is a big step for me.

A brand new day

Not everything is turning out, but some things are.

I got the research position for which I applied. I got the acceptance email yesterday after stressing about it for weeks, so thanks. Now I don't have to worry about not graduating.

I got a scholarship for next fall/winter--not a full, but anything helps. (It's that bloody C in o-chem from the summer...why did I stop caring??) In the grand scheme of things, I have saved $15,000 of tuition. I'd say paying only an approximate total of $3000 for a college tuition is not too much to ask.

I found a ballroom partner who actually wants to practice. And I'm taking a technique class again...finally. No, I didn't move up for next year, but that's my fault. I didn't put the time in to work for it. But guess what? I still love dancing. Take that.

Now...I need to:

Get on the CNA bandwagon. (I started studying for once. baby steps, baby steps...)
Run more/get in shape for summer.
Start preparing thinking about life after BYU, which seems to be impending sooner everyday. This means making preparations for PA or graduate school. April 2011 is coming too soon and not soon enough. Yikes!

maybe

Maybe I won't say anything.

Maybe I'll listen to Adam.

Maybe it's all in my head.

Maybe it's the truth.

Maybe I'll figure something out.

Maybe I'll stop being pathetic.

Maybe I'll wait.

Maybe I'll be bold.

Maybe I won't say anything.

worth it?

I'm not in any gold II classes this semester. Yeah, I can make excuses like "it's a Blackpool year, so there are no gold bar classes and less space and blah blah blah.." But the truth of the matter is that I'm really just not that good. I also can't bump down to gold I because I have classes at those times. (If I wanted to mess around my whole schedule, I could p o s s i b i l y make gold I standard work...if they would let me.) Will anyone notice if I don't take a technique class? I don't know why I go to all the effort to do this. It's certainly not my calling in life. I guess I was hoping to get good enough to possibly help out at Pacific Ballroom one day. They gave me so much...I just wanted to give back something. Should I just drop dance all together? It hurts to ask that, but I might have to be done... I have a major and a minor that are completely unrelated to dance, and I should get a job. Oh the practicality of it all!

Sometimes I just wait to have decisions made for me because I'm too scared of doing the wrong thing.