i bet you won't get crunk

I take a Turbo Kick class at the gym. It's like kickboxing, except there's a little bit of a hip-hop element to it, so it definitely caters to a female audience. I always have respect for the one guy that shows up though.

Most of the routines are comprised of whatever the Top 40 songs of the day are, and in between different sets of movement, the instructor will encourage everyone to just "shake it out" or "get freaky." Most people just stand there.

In particular, Ciara's "That's Right" (featuring Lil' Jon) song came on. If you've ever heard Lil' Jon, you would know that raw, freaky quality in all of his songs. Anyway, the instructor wanted everyone to freestyle for the first 15 seconds or so before our kickboxing routine began. When most of us timid people just bounced our heads a bit, she made us do wall sits or push-ups until we would actually let loose.

Did I mention I go to this class with my mom? Yeah, that will shut down any freaky side I possess rrrrrrreal fast. The instructor made it a competition on who could get the freakiest. Guess who won? My mom. Guess who had to demonstrate with the instructor in front of the whole class? My mom.

I had no words after this. No child should be subjected to that kind of sight.

I don't care what the instructors says, I'm not "getting freak-nasty" in front of my mom. I'll take the push-ups thank you.

weird thing about me #43817

Sometimes I wear men's deodorant. Of course I own women's deodorant too, but most of them smell too floral-y/baby powder-y to the point of being nauseating. When this is combined with sweat, it makes for a horrid outcome: sweaty flowers--naturally. No bueno. So when I know it's a really hot day, or I'm going to work out, I use something a little stronger. (Why do deodorant companies think women don't sweat??)

That's my attempt at justifying this cross-deodorizing.

However. Because men's deodorant is more aromatic than it's female counterpart, sometimes I'll catch a whiff of some divine, manly fragrant. Then I think something irrational like, "I must find whoever just walked into the room because we should reproduce right now based on his scent alone." Or something to that effect... But I soon realize that it's myself that I'm smelling, and I am sorely disappointed for two reasons. 1.) No such male being exists at that moment, and 2.) For a brief moment, I was unintentionally an autosexual.

Yikes. I guess that means I should lay off the Old Spice.

hair

Note to self: Don't assume gender of a child.

I was just an offender of the she's-so-cute-HE-oh-um-yeah... situation. There was this adorable Native American boy who had beautiful hair and a beautiful face. Oh the androgyny! I should have looked down at the power ranger shoes.

Dear Tanya,

In other cultures, boys have thick, long hair too. Why are you so ignorant?

Love,

The Politically Correct World

(To my credit, when I pointed out the child to my co-workers, both of them said, "oh that little girl?" I'm not that crazy.)

tickle-me-pink

I'm extremely ticklish. Even the anticipation of being tickled will make me start to squirm. For some reason, boys really enjoy exploiting this weakness. However, beware that I will turn into a mega-B if you touch me when it's unsolicited. I hate touchy-feely flirters. Maybe I wasn't held enough as a child, I don't know. (But if I like you, I will probably go along with it...double standard, whatever.)

I don't really mind being ticklish one way or another until it gets me into awkward situations like today...

So I'm at the doctor's office for a physical, which includes a breast examination (a glorified fondling, if you ask me...). I'm trying to be calm and "professional" about everything, but the second the doctor starts going to town, I start giggling uncontrollably because it tickles--and I'm an awkward person. I couldn't even contain myself until it was over.

I'm sure the doctor was just thinking, "what a newb..."

A frequent comment/question I get

Friend: "Can I ask you a weird question?"

Me: "Yeah sure"

Friend: "Are you white??"

Another instance: While discussing heritage and discovering that I'm purely anglo-saxon, Claire says, "I could have sworn from the bottom you were Puerto Rican!"

Another instance: My Spanish teacher said to me more than once how much I looked of Argentine descent/like his wife (uhhhh....)

The point is, a lot of people think I have Hispanic blood in me, but the truth is that I'm just a boring Western European mutt. If I wasn't the spitting image of my mother with my dad's knack for numbers, I might actually question whether I was adopted.

it never fails

Know what I love?

Awkward engagement pictures. It amazes me that no matter how much we make fun of them, they still exist! Note to self and to blog readers: You do not need 500 million pictures to convey the message "we're in love and sexually frustrated" (<--if you're Mormon...Sometimes I see some sketchy poses out there.)

Well that's all for that subject. Gotta go study for biochem.

baby got back

I know I'm bottom-heavy, okay? My roommate legitimately thought for the first 2 months when we lived together that I was part Puerto Rican until I mentioned my real heritage. (I have not one iota of hispanic blood in me. It's all white English/Swedish...so exotic.) I have had other (male) friends also remind me of this detail most likely followed up with some inappropriate insinuation. I'm not sure how to feel about it, but they are my friends, so I do not take too much offense.

However, if we are not friends, you do NOT have the right to comment about the junk in the trunk.

While I was dancing in the RB, some guy--albeit an aquaintance--told my partner to stop looking down as he followed me in a hockey stick to spiral, overturned syncopated cha-cha lock section. The guy said, "I know she has a big one, but you have to look up."

Cue nausea and discomfort and red face and confliction of internal vs. external reaction.

My poor partner is this little freshman, and was probably just looking at the ground, as many unfocused or concentrating dancers are wont to do at times. He's also not the type to laugh at those kind of "jokes." It was awkward to say the least. And not just awkward. It was humilliating, but if I were to express this, then I'm the prude who can't take a joke. Now I see how easy it is to get away with sexual harassment.

So I know this post kind of has a mixed message. I'm being light-hearted and serious at the same time. It's probably because society would tell me to lighten up, but my psyche is a bit more sensitive than that. I guess people just need to know their boundaries. All I know is that I felt uncomfortable today, and I should have said something.

'Tis the season

First day of school. Thanks to the blizzards over break and the persistent below-freezing weather that has created massive ice/snow chunks all over the sizewalks, this was me this morning:

It's going to be a looooonnngggg winter.

(P.S. I want to give a shout out to the random boy that I involuntarily grabbed on my way down. It saved me from completely wiping out in front of the large crowd trudging to school. Sorry I was too embarrassed to look at your face to thank you.)

fork in the conversation

This happened to me more than once today.

I'm walking across campus. I see a medium-known acquaintance. This means that I'm not entirely dreading the fact that we happen to be walking the same direction, and I'm not going to have to submit to mindless small talk the whole time. (more on my qualms with small talk later...)

So you're walking and talking. Then all of the sudden the acquaintance sees someone he/she knows and the conversation pauses so a greeting can be given. But wait! The other person stops. Maybe the acquaintance knows this other person better than he knows you. You were cut off mid-sentence so you can't just keep walking because what if the acquaintance is only stopping for 5 seconds and will be right behind you in no time? Do you wait or stay?! You panic. You decide to wait it out. Maybe it won't be that long. But then you realize you are awkwardly listening to a conversation for like 5 minutes with one person who really doesn't know you that well, and come on, who even cares about the acquaintance of the acquaintance? Even more awkward, when this other conversation ends and you resume your original conversation (is it too creepy to remember exactly where you left off?), you realize you two are only walking together for about 10 more seconds. Baffled at your complete lack of social foresight, you walk away bearing the proverbial scarlet A (for Awkward) on your shirt. And then you get caught in this situation again.

And by you, I mean me.

TA

So I'm not sure if this is normal...

Incident #1: I was in a review awhile ago and my TA was talking about how he graded our last test. He talked about how he started out too harshly, and then he looked at me at said that he had to go back and change mine a couple of times as his grading standards changed. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that, but why he remembered only my test... I just let it go.

Incident #2: I was in another review today with this TA, and we were talking about the last test, and then he said, "yeah, Tanya I saw when you went into the testing center on your cover sheet." He was insinuating that he knows I took it in the last two hours the testing center was open on the last day the test was offered. Okay, let he who has never procrastinated a test cast the first stone. Anyway, isn't it odd that he remembers when only I took my test? Or the fact that he remembers when anyone takes his or her test at all for that matter...

Incident #3: Also in this same review we were talking about a way we could test a certain observation, and a guy gave an answer, which was slightly wrong (because you can't soak beads in transcription factors because they are intracellular proteins...nevermind). The point is I said that was wrong, but I didn't want to sound rude, so I told the kid that I knew that because I said that same thing in class and was wrong. Then the TA pipes up again, and was like, "oh yeah, I remember when you said that." Really? You remember when I said one random answer to a question the teacher asked?

???

Why is this TA a little too knowledgeable about what I do in this class? I can't judge too much because I remember weird, specific details like this about other people too. I think I've met my match in creepy memory skills.

[The only thing that bothers me is that I think that he thinks I'm stupid. This class is difficult for me, and I don't ace the tests, but I really enjoy the subject matter, and I just need to dedicate more time to really understanding every process in depth. But I'm not stupid.]

Improvement

I had a couple of potentially awkward situations today. I must say, I am getting quite well at handling them.

I'm almost getting to the point where I believe in the phrase, "It's only awkward if you make it awkward."

Almost.

Pool PDA

So I live in an apartment complex that has a pool in the middle of it. My room specifically looks out right over the pool, so I see...a lot.

Pool PDA. This is such a weird thing to address. There is something about it that makes me really uncomfortable. Generally I'm okay with PDA (when it isn't over-the-top) because it's really none of my business, and it's nice to know that there is still love--or maybe just attraction--in the world. But there is something about pool PDA that is overtly sexual. Maybe it's the lack of clothing or the motion of the water...I'm not really sure. It just makes me a little squirmy because I feel like I'm interrupting something really personal that I shouldn't be. But I can't help walking out on my balcony and witnessing a wet, weightless embrace.

I really don't know how to feel about it.

social awkward...ness

It comes in many forms, but here is one out of the many things that annoyed me today.

Disclaimer: I'm sure I've had my fair share of social awkwardness as well, but I'm slowly becoming a more socially competent person, and you should be too.

Socially Awkward Pet Peeve: People who half talk to themselves and you at the same time.

You're not really having a conversation, but you're just by each other because you have to work together or some other forced situation and you might say something every now and again. But these people will say things loud enough that you know it's not exactly meant solely for them, but quiet enough that you have to constantly be like, "What?" To which they might say what they said (which will give no momentum to the conversation anyway) or they just say "oh, um, nevermind..." To which you have no choice but to say "oh..." and just find something to distract yourself from the lingering silence and the "you're really bad at this social interaction" look that so desperately wants to take residence on your face. But you refrain because that would be mean.

I'm kind of a shy person. It's just my temperment. So I know it's bad when I'm actually the outgoing one in the group/pair/etc. situation.

Silence doesn't bother me. Awkward silence bothers me. I don't think people have to talk all the time to fill the space, but I can tell when people are uncomfortable with lulls in the conversation, and then I get squirmy too. One of my favorite movie quotes goes like this: (Edited for your viewing)

Woman: Don't you hate that?
Man: What?
Woman: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about [stuff] in order to be comfortable?
Man: I don't know. That's a good question.
Woman: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just [shut up] for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

I have found some of these people in my life. It's refreshing.

TMI?

My age group+my location of school+the culture of religion/school= a high probability of facebook friends who are pregnant.

Situation: Many pregnant women on facebook give the up-to-the-minute details of their labor process. (i.e. dilation, effacement, thinning of something?, baby positioning on the cervix, etc.)

Maybe I'll blame the TMI behavior on the high amount of hormones running through their bodies. Now before you all think I'm hating, I'm not. I am so interested in women's health issues. I want to work with an OB/GYN as a PA when I "grow up." Pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, reproduction, etc. does not bother me in the slightest. In fact, it's a beautiful and miraculous process the way our bodies work. Most people though get slightly offended/grossed out with these kind of updates. I think my programmed response is a little taken aback as well. But then I think, why do I have to be a slave to my culture's social conditioning to be offended at topics that should supposedly be kept quiet about? Why does pregnancy or menstruation have to be taboo? I'm not saying this so that girls will have a right to moan and complain all the time, but why can't women and men talk about there bodies in an objective way? Why can't people understand that various functions of our bodies can affect our moods and dispositions and it's okay to discuss it? Why can't I say vagina at a restaurant if I can say stomach or lungs or duodenum? (I did this once, and the reaction was not so friendly.)

The human body is not taboo!

It's amazing and beautiful and natural and mysterious.

And if somebody wants to post on facebook how their labor is progressing, then update away. I can handle it :)

it's only awkward if you make it awkward

Nope. That's not true. Sometimes it's just awkward.

So, on Saturday I went for a run. Then I came back for a shower and since my roommates were gone, I decided to play my music really loud in the shower to sing along to because, you know, the acoustics in the bathroom are just amazing. Anyway, I'm singing with female powerhouses like Aretha or Patsy Cline for like 30 minutes. I got out of the shower expecting to be alone still, but instead see a group of people I don't know looking around my apartment. My apartment is right by the manager's office, and when people want to see an apartment, she just shows them mine. If no one is home, she just let's them in. They were unexpected to say the least.

That's life I guess.

while in the waiting while waiting for the news i hallucinated i could read your mind

Sorry the title has nothing to do with anything.

Here's the low down on my break:

I drove home with Scott and Stasia. I drove the whole way. It's interesting how you can do things when you know you have to do them (brilliant, I know.) But really, when I used to drive home with my sister, I remember that I could never drive the whole way, and I used to just make her do it. But this time wasn't that bad. The roads were thankfully snowless. To my parent's resentment I went 85-90 the whole time. Sorry mom and dad, but hey, no tickets!

I hung out with the Lears. I'm still comfortably sitting at #1 on the best babysitter ever list. It's nice being the best at something in my life. Maybe being a mom is all I'll ever be good at. Just kidding. [I even spelled it out for emphasis.]

I finally saw LAUREN--my best friend from highschool and life in general. Again, I spell out best friend because BFF or bestie or twinsie or BFFer or sugar friendsy cupcake face (a little far...) are all very shallow terms for me. It's something for giddy junior high schoolers. Lauren is not my best friend because we have the same clothing style and like Dawson's Creek. She's my best friend because we know so much about each other, that it doesn't matter how long time passes between seeing each other, it is still the same when I get back. And it's not blackmail know about each other. It's a deep, empathetic, caring knowledge about what makes her Lauren and me Tanya. When we give the updates of each others' lives, I don't have to say "how do you feel about that?" because I already know. We have seen each other in our most awkward and vulnerable times growing up, and that is something you don't just throw away because a few states separate your college towns. I love Lauren with all my heart and always want the best for her.

I went to the dentist today. I have crappy enamel, but straight teeth. My brother got the invinsible enamel and the somewhat crooked smile (all those years of thumbsucking, I tell ya...) So, I don't know which I would take because digging floss in my gums and scraping around my teeth makes me want to scream and bite the dental hygienist who is trying make small talk while I am drooling uncontrollably and she is spraying and sucking water and scraping and polishing my teeth. In case you didn't know, it takes two people to have a conversation, and their mouths must be free of all objects and body parts. Communication 101 people... you'd think that would be part of their night school courses. Okay, that was a little harsh. I completely respect dental hygienists--just not the ones who bitch me out for not flossing afterwards and treat me like I'm stupid. And one other awkward thing: I come in and sit down. The lady comes in a starts talking, and here is the conversation:

Dental hygienist: "So you're still at BYU?"
Me: "Yeah"
DH: "What's your major"
Me: "Uh, physiology" [Must we do the small talk thing?]
DH: Oh that's right, you're thinking about being a PA, right?

So, apparently they write down my hopes and dreams and life goals in my dental file.

Well, this has been a completely random conglomeration of subjects, but that's how my break is going so far.