this gets annoying

One time when I was 8, I peed the bed. That's an embarrassing age, I know. I was just dreaming about going to the bathroom, and I distinctly remember thinking in my dream, "good thing is a dream, and I'll wake up dry." Uh, scratch that. I woke up in a wet, urine mess. I probably cried from shame and embarrassment. My mom handled it well, though.

I also peed my pants in 3rd grade--an embarrassingly inappropriate age as well. I was sitting in class, and my favorite teacher, except for this one day, would not let me go to the bathroom. To her credit, she probably had no idea of the dire circumstance I was in. As I walked back to my seat after her refusal, my bladder just...exploded, I guess. It's funny how the fear of authority was able to override my body's natural demand. I should have run out of class anyway, but as a 3rd grader, I could not even begin to fathom the ramifications of that rebellion. As I realized the social horror of what had just happened, I resorted to my tried and true method of faking sick. Though I was a precocious child, in my rebellious second grade year, I faked a stomach ache every time we had to do math because it was so boring. (Ironically, I became very good at math later on...) I think I used a stomach ache as my excuse for anything: social anxiety, boredom, nightmares, etc. I just put it all under the stomach ache category. Anyway, the stomach ache was all I could think of, and luckily I was allowed to go to the nurse's office. I thought I had gotten away with all of it, but in hindsight, it was probably pretty evident what had happened.

I have had some even more embarrassing bathroom mishaps that I won't even share here, but sufficeth to say that I have anxiety issues when it comes to losing control of my bladder. I have to pee literally five times before I actually fall asleep. It's like a Pavlovian response now when I get ready for bed. It's quite annoying.

Well, there is your blog TMI for the day.

p.s. new haircut photo coming soon!

A little OCD never hurt anyone...

I realize I have never written about my weird habits. Let me list a few...

--Metal. I have this strange fear of all things metal. I only use plastic utensils or wooden chopsticks whenever possible. I hate the taste of metal in my mouth. So those new eco-friendly metal water bottles? No go. If I must use a metal utensil, it is imperative that my plate or dish be plastic. I NEVER use glass and metal together, which is why restaurants drive me crazy because I am forced into this situation. Basically the sound of metal and glass drives me insane. My dad used to scratch his fork on his plate because he thought it was funny, but I would scream and storm to my room. No, that is not overreacting. I just can't help it. If people do that, I will zone out of the conversation because my mind will start screaming, and I lose focus.
--Clocks. I have certain clocks that always have to be ahead. My alarm clock, for example, is always 30 minutes fast. If someone resets it, I can't function.
--Time. I also have to get up at certain times. Even if I wake up late, I have to set an alarm to go off on a number ending in a 5 or 0. If I go running, I have to leave at a time with this same condition. This doesn't necessarily make me on time to things. I just have to start things at certain times.
--I can quote movies with precision. I hate when people butcher them, which means any slight variance in word or intonation.
--I get into habits of eating the same kinds of food with the same dishes everyday at the same time. I don't like to get out of schedule.
--I will listen to a new song of interest on repeat for hours without shame.
--I refuse to write with pen. Mechanical pencil only.
--Tin foil drives me crazy.
--I never use elevators.
--Bad grammar makes me twitch.
--I'm pathologically afraid of mayonnaise getting in my food.

Needless to say, I'm a little weird. But as readers, you probably have figured this out.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

I love bananas. Like love.

BUT, I am extremely fastidious in regards to the condition in which they should be. They must be bright yellow with the faintest hint of green towards the top or edges. Thick peel, no mushiness, no spots, no overly sweet flavor. Any more green or more brown than this delicate balance, is a no go. This is a constant frustration when I buy bananans because I have a 2-3 day window before I refuse to eat them anymore. So I only get to eat maybe half of the bananas I buy in their fresh condition. Brown or spotty bananas have theire uses too though. I freeze them for smoothies because they give a better flavor. (Frozen bright yellow bananas are a bad idea, I have learned.)

So when I am ridiculously wealthy and can pay people to do things for me, I am going to demand a new, fresh, bright yellow banana from the store every morning.

DOL nazi

Did anyone do DOL in school? Daily Oral Language?

I did this all through elementary and junior high school. It was basically these blatantly incorrect sentences that we would have to correct and rewrite. Occasionally they threw a curve ball that would stump the majority of the class, but mostly they were ridiculous.

Now I'm not an English major (though sometimes I wonder if I should have been). I take pride in my native tongue, and I've always been one to remember details and rules. This combined with the incessant DOL growing has thus turned me into a grammar nazi--but a passive one. I have been noticing this more and more. I don't call people out on their mistakes, but bad grammar drives me insane.

Some recent/frequent examples:
--Swum...is a word. Yes, it is hard to believe. I think I am the only person who uses it. I swam or I have swum. It is not: I have swam. Even when I use "swum," people will give me this funny look like I said "broughten" or something, but I find comfort in being right. This same principle works for "I drank" and "I have drunk."
--Alot...is not a word. It's two words actually. A lot. I thought this was old news, but apparently a lot of people are still in the dark.
--The phrase "drive safe" or "drive careful." There is this beautiful thing called the adverb, and it is one of the most constant rules we have in the English language. Please just add the --ly. I seriously whisper it too myself when someone leaves it off, because I can't handle the adjective-that-should-be-an-adverb dangling in the air like that.
--Sentences cannot end in prepositions. However, I am sometimes lenient on this one. Conversationally, it can be fine, but in written form, it looks odd. I only use it in writing if I am writing in a stream-of-consciousness style. Then I just write exactly how it first comes to mind, which is more of my conversational way of speaking.
--Subject-verb agreement. "Their" is not a term to establish gender neutrality. It signifies that there is more than one person of which you are speaking. A person must be paired with his or her correct pronoun.
--The difference between nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. Example: In church today the teacher asked, "What are some characteristics of Jesus Christ?" Then people proceeded to say things like loving, compassionate, patient, etc. Rather than focusing on the lesson, I was going crazy that their words were in the wrong part of speech. If you are asking for characteristics, you are asking for nouns--love, compassion, patience. The question could be phrased differently to produce adjective answers, but it wasn't.

Sometimes I'm just a little OCD.
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